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May 6, 2009, 11:03 pm PDT
Bipolar Disorder
Quote From: donohue1I spend so much time hiding whats really going on inside, sometimes I wonder whom I'm trying to fool. My Self, or them. I watch how my depressions and or mania effect my wife and 4 small children. I sometimes believe they would be better off without me, as it is getting harder each day to cope with this disorder. It will be my 3rd year this may since I was diagnosed with this curse. Hard to explain it but its like everything works but me, my mind is my greatest foe, I can not run hide or escape it. They try to pump me up full of the meds, and only makes it worse. Which leaves me no where to turn. I feel for those whom are seeing a loved one go through this mess, as it seems to just get easier not better. Any of the old crew still posting, or reading if so God Bless and take care The Boy I know exactly how you feel. I recently quit my job because it was to stressful and I couldn't concentrate on the tasks. I had to take 2 leave of absences during my 8 years with the company. Bi--polar disorder is something i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. People that don't know about my illness don't understand why my confidence level is low at work. It's because I can't remember things regarding work because I have to much gobbldegoop in my mind. I am very capable of doing my jobs, I get rewards and have upper level degrees, but I think I could do much better if only i didn't have these mood issues and distractions running through my head all the time. I know what it means to just need some quiet. I have come to the decision to go back to work and am on some medication that will make me concentrate better, so hopefully I will be able to be successful. Good luck to you and just know you are not the only one out there. And when you get the right meds you will feel alot better.
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