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Replies to 'Co-Parenting'
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April 25, 2006, 10:11 pm PDT
 Quote From: stepandmom Please help! My husband and I have been together since his kids were 4 and 2 and mine were 5 and 3. They are now 14, 14, 12 and 11. We have visitation of his kids once a week for dinner, every other weekend and every other holiday. We also get some extended parenting time when our kids are on their school breaks in the summer and for part of Fall break and part of Spring break. They live in our community so we get a chance to see them at all of their sporting and school events. The problem? Their mother is very jealous of our lives and the relationship we have with her kids. She is particularly jealous of the relationship they have with me and my children. My husband and I also have a daughter together who is now 6. Jodi has gained a lot of weight since their divorce and now weighs about 300 pounds. This hinders her ability to move on and begin dating anyone. She holds on to her bitterness and won't move on. She talks terribly about me and my kids, won't let her kids come and spend time with us when their dad isn't around and gives them a really hard time about wanting to be with or talk to their dad. They are discouraged from even speaking to us when we see them at their events when it is not "our weekend". I have never confronted her and always "keep my mouth shut" where she is concerned. It is getting more and more difficult though when I watch the pain she is causing her kids. Should we take her back to court and try to get the kids to live with us? I feel we could support their relationship with her better than she supports their relationship with us. I am going through the same thing right now and I don't know what to do either. My husband and I have been together for seven years and married for five of those years. His ex hated me in the beginning, then liked me for a while and now she is back to hating me. My husband has 2 girls with her ages 9 and 6 and then she has a 15 year old that he has helped raise since she was 2. My husband and I have 2 boys together ages 6 and 4 and I have a 10 year old boy from a previous relationship(his dad is not around at all). We moved closer to spend more time with his girls and ever since then it has just caused more and more stress in our lives. I think that she was expecting them to hate being at our house half the time and when she found out that they were ok with spending that much time with us, then she blew a gasket and starting telling them how much she hated me and so on. I wish their was a quick fix or a solution to problems like this, but I know there is not. As far as going to court for custody, it just depends on how nasty you want things to get, how much you can afford in attorney's fees and court costs, and how much you want to put your whole family through. It's a lot to think about and a lot of uncertainty. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you respond back to let me know how it is going because I can use all the help that I can get too. Kris |
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January 16, 2007, 3:12 pm PST
Quote From: stepandmom Please help! My husband and I have been together since his kids were 4 and 2 and mine were 5 and 3. They are now 14, 14, 12 and 11. We have visitation of his kids once a week for dinner, every other weekend and every other holiday. We also get some extended parenting time when our kids are on their school breaks in the summer and for part of Fall break and part of Spring break. They live in our community so we get a chance to see them at all of their sporting and school events. The problem? Their mother is very jealous of our lives and the relationship we have with her kids. She is particularly jealous of the relationship they have with me and my children. My husband and I also have a daughter together who is now 6. Jodi has gained a lot of weight since their divorce and now weighs about 300 pounds. This hinders her ability to move on and begin dating anyone. She holds on to her bitterness and won't move on. She talks terribly about me and my kids, won't let her kids come and spend time with us when their dad isn't around and gives them a really hard time about wanting to be with or talk to their dad. They are discouraged from even speaking to us when we see them at their events when it is not "our weekend". I have never confronted her and always "keep my mouth shut" where she is concerned. It is getting more and more difficult though when I watch the pain she is causing her kids. Should we take her back to court and try to get the kids to live with us? I feel we could support their relationship with her better than she supports their relationship with us. I know all about what you are dealing with. My husbands ex is doing the same thing. All I can tell you is just let it go. Don't respond to anything she says. It only makes the situation worse for everyone, especially the kids. You can't change her but you can make sure you are happy and doing right by the kids. Those kids will see her for what she is one day and she will have to answer to them, if they even want a relationship with her. They want to love their mom and their dad without being made to feel guilty. They also want to love you and their siblings without being made to feel guilty. It will come back to bit her in the a$$. Be the bigger person and teach those kids how to act by example. Those kids are old enough to decide where they want to live and it should really be their decision. If they want to live with you and their dad then they should be able to. If she won't allow that then maybe you should take her back to court. You can get them to sign a paper stating who they want to live with and the courts will more than likely go with what they want. But don't worry those kids will figure it all out one day and she will pay the price for making those kids choose to love one parent or the other. I can tell you some things that my husbands ex has done that you would not believe and the kids are getting older and holding her accountable for her selfish behavior. Just hand in there and always make decisions that benefit the kids and not the adults. I you do that the kids will never have a reason to doubt your love for them and will respect you too. Oh, and you will feel good about yourself and happiness will follow. Good Luck!!!!! |
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