Replies to '12/29 "Is This Normal?"'

Boy, did today's show (the lack of empathy on the part of the woman whose husband had a liver transplant) hit a chord with me and my life. I'd love to see a whole show on uncompassionate spouses who won't or can't be supportive during their partner's health crisis(s). This is the first time I have seen this type of a problem aired. And, was sooo totally surprised to see someone else going through what I have been going through. All this time I thought I was alone and this was a unique problem. Ten years ago, I was dx with a brain tumor, specifically a pituitary adenoma. As the result of this tumor and its subsequent regrowth, I have undergone two neuro-transsphenoidal surgeries and a six week course of daily radiation. The second surgery necessitated the complete removal of my pituitary gland and if any was left, the radiation would have rendered it totally useless. Therefore, for the rest of my life, I will require treatment for panhypopituitarism, which consists of but is not limited to, adrenal insufficiency, diabetes insipidus, hypertension, hypogonadalism, hypothyroidism, osteoporosis, visual problems and a weakened immune system. A lot of medication, yearly MRI's and seeing a variety of specialists. I am, also, being treated for depression with suicidal ideation and sleep difficulty because of the emotional stress my health problems have created for me not only physically, but financially and maritally. My life has been totally turned upside down. I don't have the energy I once had (@ one time I worked as many as three jobs plus tried running a home-based business). My husband, like the woman whose husband had the liver transplant, expects me to work full-time and bring in at least half of his yearly income. That is his compromise. His attitude is that I am not in a body cast, thus & therefore, I should contribute my fair share of the finances. If he gets a raise, he figures he then should be able to work less. And, he does. He, also, has bought himself expensive toys, such as a Goldwing motorcycle, a three-wheeler, a boat because he figures the kids are gone it is time for him to have his toys. He goes on vacation to places such as Strugis with his friends because he feels entitled. He works and I can't. If I want to go on vacation, he says things like when you work you can. After the first year of horrendous medical bills, I run into problems paying back my student loan and had to hire an attorney (which a borrowed $2000  from my sister) to get it discharged. I was responsible paying her back because it was my student loan. On weekends when my husband is home, he will only do stuff he feels is important. If I am not feeling well enough to even do household chores, he is not willing to do them. I am responsible for paying the bills and he wants nothing to do with helping or seeing where all our money goes. He knows what his take home pay is and then proceeds to spend it on what he feels is priority. The only time he shows concern is when I have to tell him that we only have $31 left in our account until the next payday. I had considered divorcing him, but I need the insurance. I am only 53 years old and can't find a job that will work around my health problems muchless cover the expense of my medication. My children, my mother, sisters, friends and other relatives think he is a real jerk, but no one wants to tell him what  (Dr. Phil) told the woman on today's show. Two years ago, I tried to commit suicide and ended up hospitalized because I was having a difficult time with his constant beratement, and my feelings of being such a burden. His most recent comment was he couldn't believe that a 53 year old woman couldn't support herself. This was in response to my asking for emotional support from him. When (Dr. Phil) was on the Oprah show, I wasn't too thrilled with his approach. But, for the past six months, I have a chance to catch his show and have been impressed with some of the advice he has given. I still struggle every day with depression, despite being on medication. My husband misses the person I once was, but so do I. I would like nothing better than to have my old self back or being able to utilize my college education and creative talents. I doubt he'd be interested in my story and I probably would never be able to afford to go to his show, but it sure feels good to not only hear I am not the only spouse going through this type of situation, but it feels good to get this off my chest. A converted fan, Jo Ellen