Quote From: springwaHi,
I met someone online and he lives in another state. He has 4 children and the youngest is 5 yrs old and they are with him half of the time. I have one child and financially fine on my own. We have discussed finances briefly, but I'm wondering how to figure that out? He has four children to put through college, I have one. What is fair? Who pays for what? He has a house and an ex who lives two miles away that works. She pays for her own expenses, but always looks to him to help her out. She does not have a 401k or any savings or college fund for the kids. How do I tackle this?
Those are legitimate and intelligent concerns and for the sake of the children and the adults, if a purchase is to be made, such as schooling, etc. knowing firsthand if this will be something of your obligation is very important. I would think he has the same concerns. So go to a marriage/financial advisor. They deal with this all the time. You will need to make a small investment for their counsel but in the long run, will save yourself a lot of heartache. Isn't it worth it?
Coming from a marriage in which these things weren't truly discussed maturely, I am now finalizing a divorce because of that exact reason. We failed to discuss the obvious, finances, family and friends. Although we all change at times, there are certain things that we just need to feel safe. In this case, you need to know you are not going to be suckered. Sorry, but that is the word. Can't make it any prettier. :))
Ask a lot of questions because the time to do that is now.......before you are in , then don't. Kim
