Replies to 'Infidelity'

Quote From: jlleb37

Hi this is my first time here. I am going through a separation due to partly of Infidelity. My wife and I have been married for almost  8 years. I have a handsome 11 year old step son and beautiful 2 year old daughter that I got to deliver in this world (thank you very much doctor for giving me that loving memory). My wife and I are on the verge. I found out 3 weeks ago she had been unfaithful sometime back before our daughter was born. I was on top of the world ( sort of).  She had went to her uncle's 65th birthday party and we were planning to be intimate that evening when she got back. I lit candles and was going to get something extra special for the evening that was in her drawer. We have a box of condoms in our drawer and I knew that there amount in there. We had them so we would not get pregnant again. Idecided to open the box just to look and maybe for fun to use one for the evening even though I had a vasectomy. Well to my dismay I found 2 were missing. I was pissed. She came home late and was intoxicate. I was fuming for a couple of days and took the plunge and asked her if she had cheated on me again. We had that problem before and thought it was over and were doing fine. Well she confessed. She did it because she felt we had no passion in bed and that she felt that it would bring some excitement back in our lives.I would think that maybe something like that would be discussed and worked on together. She feels that I have no ambition, which is a little true.I would get lost in being a father, cooking and being stuck in a dead end job that my hours were cut back. I wanted to look for work but myself felt I lost myself. She says she is theone to blame since she wants perfection and more out of life and does not think she will get what she wants and never be happy as long as we are married. I am the one to blame. I am a loving person. I love my kids, i do try my best to be active as much I could with the kids. She felt that our sex was wham bam thank you mam and off to sleep we go. But I would give her back and feet massages almost every night. She tells me that she could never be a woman to give that back. I tend to give the needs of others before mine. That is who I am. I care lovingly for those who I love. I never cheated on her. I never abused her, abused alcohol or would go out with the boys. I was happy being at home with our kids.
I would let her go out to visit friends, but come to find out she was doing more then that. I recently left my job and starting a newone in few days. The past 3 weeks have been full of hurt and anger. I actually abused alcohol to numb my pain and started to smoke again after kicking the habit a year ago. She tells I am not handy around the house. yes I have neglected on that because I would be the kids and yes I have been lazy in that. i would cook, clean, take care of the kids. i love her and want the marriage to work. she wanted to go to a counsellor so we can try to fix us. I had left for a day to go on a annual fishing trip with some friends of mine. I cried the whole way and talked and even begged to God to give me hope to get the marriage back. I stopped at a store and on the ground I found a name tag with the word HOPE in pink rhinestones on the ground. I snapped it up and thought that it was one of the most amazing things I ever found. I came home the next day. She was with our daughter she was tired because she had gone to a dinner party for work and had went back to bed. I spent sometime with my daughter. I checked on my wife and went to give her a back massage. She enjoyed every minute of it. she said she missed me doing that. I was in heaven. then we went to a family barbeque and she looked right at me and said she loved me. i almost cried right there. i felt that there was something there to work on. i know that if we went to counselling it would be a long hard road. but counselling cost money and we don't have a lot. but just last night, she had visited her friend that was away in New York, she cooked my wife a meal for her since my wife was checking up on her cat while she was away. her friend is divorced and was the one who left her husband. but from what i could see in my wife when she came home, she had something on her mind. she felt that we are just pretending that nothing is happening. i told her that was not the case, just thought that there was a glimmer of hope that there was something to save. i don't think her friend is influencing her,from what I was told she not taking my side but thinks that she is throwing it away if we divorce. i was distraught again had packed my bag while she was sleeping, left a note for my family that i was going to go away for a couple of days to clear my head. but i have no where to go. i do not want my friends or family involved. i was ready to sleep in my car. after work i did a lot of thinking and could not be away for another millisecond from my kids.i had a 2 hour talk with my step son in his room. we laughed and cried, he thinks we are going to be ok because he does not want us to divorce. it breaks my heart to hear him say that. when i got home my wife was cleaning and something really got to me. all of our wedding pictures were put away. so here i am splling my guts out to strangers who are going over the same thing. i read countless stuff on the internet saying I should separate from her, and go on with my life, get financially secure and maybe if she sees i am happy and ok that she will want me back. but she is saying that we are to far gone. i do not know what to do i am beaten.