Quote From: sadsarah I have been with my boyfriend now for two years and we have a seven month old son together. I'm not the type of person to date many people just to have someone, so when I do, it means I really care for them. All I have ever wanted was someone to love me and live happily with a family of my own, but I can't seem to let go of my first love. He was the first person I ever had any strong emotional feelings for, and we've been seperated for over four years now. I recently learned he is getting married to the girl he dated on and off when we were also on and off again, and all I can think of is, "why not me?". I hate that I feel this way and I want to let him go and have those feelings for my present boyfriend, but I have never really "loved" him the way I have before. I feel like I'm being cheated somehow and I think of him, dream of him, and wish on him every second of the day. He's not a saint in the fact he broke my heart so bad it brought me to the breaking point, but I want to let go so bad and my boyfriend catches me daydreaming all the time and I have to lie and pretend something else is on my mind. I feel like I'm going crazy and I thought being single for two years (not dating a single soul) until I met my current boyfriend is proof that I have tried to move on, but I just can't seem to let him go!!! Someone please tell me, what do I do???!
Seeing as how this is not a professional opinion, I can only do what I feel is right in my heart. I have moved on and started a new life with my current boyfriend and I look forward everyday to raising our son together and building a happy home and eventually a marriage with him. The same things happen to people when they are about to get married. They get the jitters and question every ounce of emotion they are feeling. I felt this was being determined just because we were having a baby together, and I wasn't ready for the future of possibilites to be over. But I strongly believe everything happens for a reason. Now that I look back, I can honestly say I'm proud of the accomplishments we have made for our future together. The stress levels in this relationship are what originally questioned me to why I felt this way. Although we have been through some very traumatic experiences together and he didn't handle them the way they should have been handled, I have stuck by his side through thick and thin. I feel that is more truth to anything, despite the way I sometimes wish things could be.I am proud to be where I am and have him in my life. I'm a very emotional person and he doesn't listen to me or take me serious when I try to talk to him, so that's why I cannot communicate my thoughts and feelings to him. He's very intimidating and "intreprets" to negative insults when I do and will not let me just "talk" to him to help him understand what I'm feeling. Comming from a guy's point of view, I can understand your point. But I also feel like there is more to work on in this relationship before I give up. If I didn't see potential, I would never have stuck by his side. I have known since our first date i was going to marry him and we've come too far to just give everything up for a couple of jitters about our pre-determined life together at such a young age. You have to admit, it would scare you too....
Oh and FYI, I was told I could never have children so I don't regret a single thing that has happened....
