Replies to 'Grandparents Raising Grandchildren'

I am sorry, that you are unable to see your daughter. I adopted my grandchildren, as my daughter was and still is useing drugs. I have never stopped her from seeing the girls, nor would I . She calls Morgan from time to time, Trinity is to young to talk on the phone. If I had not adopted them, DCYF would have given them to someone else. Why is it that you chose to give your babies up ??? Gina

The question here is why didn't you raise them yourself?   I'm sure there's more to this than they took them away from you.  You say that you were told you can't write her or phone her or even think about her.  Who told you this?  A Judge in a court order?  What I see in this post is someone who gave up 2 of her children with out any explanation.  Tell us more and maybe we can be of some help.

And tell me why you gave your daughter up to begin with? 

My daughter was involved in a bad relationship.  Her way out, she ended up running into the arms of someone she met with at work, then after about 5 weeks, ended up marrying the guy.  Who is just as controlling as the last guy.  He is hispaniic, she ended up letting her 8 yr old son go to live with his dad, and we got the 2 yr old.  Basically it all boils down this guy doesn't want to mess with her kids.  But wants his own.  The whole thing is sick. 

The 2 yr old has emotional problems steming from all of the fighting the first 2 yrs of his life, and all the moving 6 times.  He is socially behind. 

Needless to say we are picking up the pieces. 

The lists go on. 

This is why I ask you what did you do, to deserve the treatment? 

As it looks right now, we will probably be taking care of our littlest one til he graduates from high school. 

Because his dad has issues to, bi-polar, convicted for battery to a minor, horrible temper the list goes on their. 

Our therepist suggests that somewhere down the road that we eventually adopt our grandson, 

Right now I am angry that the daughter I thought had the brains and determination, has messed her life up so much.  And for what uncaring men. 

This one is very tricky and has played her for a stupid fool. 

  

Was it just an easy way out on your part?   

I want to know why you didn't try to raise your own children on your own, get assistance if it was needed.  Why you let go so easy.?  And didn't fight for them. 

Maybe this will help me understand, why we are now raising our grandson. 

Why don't young people want to take care of there own responsibilities? 

And why us parents are so darn trusting and gullable. 

I have several questions for  you, dont take offense but I need a better understanding of what you are saying. One, how old were you when you had your first child? Second child? What exactly is your mother's reasons for now allowing you to see her or your child? It seems extreme that they would not let you call or write to your child,  Do they have some reason for feeling this way? The comment about you not being allow to think about her, what is that about? Who can control what you think? The fact is that your parents have been raising YOUR child and you need to resolve issues with them before you can move past to the issues you have AND will have with your children. The lesson that you only live once proves true, it's easy to SAY now that you would have raised them yourself, but you didn't take that chance when you had it. Then you had another child when you knew before conciving him what your finances were going to be with a child. I am not saying to blame yourself totally, but it doesnt sound like to me you see the other side of the coin or where your fault is in this issue.  

  

     It was for you a mistake, but you dont have it to do over again, BUT you can build a health relationship with them now. Talk to your family, talk to a professional. Comming to your parents with a healthy positive attitude about the future will be a good start to building a relationship with your children.  If there is no way to connect with your child now, write your feelings down so that you will have something to SHOW for the love you feel for them when they contact you in the future.  

  

  

hey QTpie, i know how you feel, i lost custody of my daughter  to my exs parents, i was not involved in drugs,alchohol or men, they were controlling and i feel like i was manipulated and guilted into letting them keep her, i was only 19 and working full time, i however get to see my daughter daily and i have another child with my new husband who lives with me and i vowed to never lose this one. i just pray that they will do the right thing and give her back, she belongs with her sister and I, I could go to court and fight them but I do not want that for anyone, i want everybody to win, i feel your pain and guilt. You will be in my prayers.

when i was 17 i gave my mother guardianship of my 8th month old daughter my mom said that it was just a piece of paper so that my daughter could be on her insurance policy and that i would have her whenever i wanted and all that other crap now my daughter is 5 years old and i am still going through this

I know how you feel. I believed that my ex husband was being honest with me. He moved to another state and I allowed his parents to get partial custody of our son while he was gone only because he told me we would change it back when he moved back but this way I couldnt keep him from them while he was gone. That he would send me money when I needed it etc...to help out. Never happened. Imagine that. Now I have partial/50/50 custody with my ex mother in law and his dad is in another state and doesnt have to be responsible for our son now. his mother lets him think its okay. Ughh Now I am afraid that I have done that its like I dont want my son. I want my son with me all the time...I dont mind him gonig over to their house...I wish I could change it  though where I had full custody and my ex was paying support to be responsible but now his mother has control and I cant afford to go to court and fix it. I didnt have the money at the time to fix it then and I had no choice at the time but I wish I had a good lawyer that would fight for kids and didnt charge a lot. My son doesnt deserve this. I would never keep my son away from his family EVER but she tried to take my son away from me since his dad left and she was afraid she couldnt see her grandson...I was upset with my ex for not helping me out financially...never was intentionally not letting my son see his family. But since I had NO money; to fight they got what they wanted. Luckily I agreed to partial custody because she was trying to get full custody. That scared me and I am not a bad mom. I do the best that I can. I need DR PHIL's help!! And they do too :)

How unfortunate for you, and how wrong it is. I have had my second grandson since his birth, and my first grandson lives with his dad. My daughter's life consists of prostitution and ddrugs. But no matter what her crime, they are still her sons and they know her. The baby my husband and her step dad are adopting. I am mommy and she is mama. Although she has never lived with us and she only see's him every so often, he knows the difference. He is only two, and I would never keep him from her, it wouldn't be fair to him. When he is older we will explain things to him. It will be up to her to explain why he doesn't live with her. For your daughters sake I hope your mom starts to realize she needs her real mom too.