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Replies to '12/27 Extreme Parenting'
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October 27, 2005, 12:56 pm PDT
 Quote From: golden1 This may sound like a really stupid question--but if your fiance is as bad as you say he is, why is he still your fiance? You need to ask yourself some very important questions--what's it costing me and my kids to stay in this relationship? Is it worth the price? Am I better off with or without him? Right now, you are getting a preview of things to come if you marry him. So far, his abuse towards you and your kids has been verbal. What's to stop it from escalating to a physical level? His derogatory comments are not humorous, they're hurtful and disrespectful, as you have told him on numerous occasions. And why isn't it an option to leave and be a single mom again? Which would you prefer--to be happy alone, or sick with someone else? Every day, single moms are making ends meet, but more importantly, making a loving, nurturing home for their children. In 10 years, your fiance has not changed for the better; take the hint. Leave while you can; later on, he make it impossible for you to leave. It took me 16 years to leave.....but In my situation, (and I'm sure many womans) I was scared of two things.
#1. Doing it on my own.. Mentally and Physically
#2 Doing it on my own... Financially.
With him I was still living paycheck to paycheck - but I was able to provide for my children in that we lived in a nice house, they had nice clothes & shoes (not expensive but nice) we could go and do and we had a lot of fun together. I thought I could be the buffer and make thing right for them after he's been overly strict and critical. Nothing any of us did was right or good enough. I couldn't even drive the correct route to pick him up.
Fortunately my children, although I'm sure they are somewhat scared, are well adjusted happy young adults moving on with their lives. My daughter is a SGT in the 82nd airbourne in Afghanistan - has 20-25 jump under her belt and loves it. My son is working hard and just recently out on his own. I'm very proud of them, but blame myself for staying in such an unhealthy relationship for so long and fear they will follow my footsteps.
We have a very important job as parents to raise and protect our children and we can't do a good job of that if we're being verbally abuse daily
Julie said.... "I think that there's a better way to live than to be constantly arguing, and constantly fighting and angry with each other over issues that could just be discussed," that is exactly how I felt... and whether it is alone or with someone else. IT IS BETTER!!! I know. I've been out for three Tuesday and I'm soo much more heathly both mentally and physically!
I'm surprise Dr. Phil didn't use my favorite line of his. cause I'm sure if a perfect stranger talked to Julie and her daughter in that manner he wouldn't tolerate it... So why is it ok for him?
Great show today! Thanks Dr. Phil and producers |
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