Replies to 'Abuse'
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August 1, 2005, 7:04 pm PDT
 Quote From: lsforls It's 4 in the morning. I can't sleep. Don't know what to do!!!!!! Last night my one daughter that's living with me temporarily because her marriage is falling apart punched my other daughter in the mouth!!!! Daughter S has braces! Daughter A moved 4 TEETH & we need to go to the dentist 1st thing in the morning to see if the teeth can be saved & if everything will be OK! I told A that she would have to leave the house before the end of this day!!!!!!!! S is at her sister's house for the night. Short of a restraining order - which I'm trying to avoid, what can I do!!!!!!! There is a 3 year old involved. I am worried about what will happen with him. A says she will have to live in her car. I told her that I would call the police & child protective services if she did that!
I gave A a chance to get her life back together here. She has MANY problems emotionally & is seeing a therapist. I talked to A's husband about the situation. I told him that I do not want to get the police involved if we can avoid it but I will do what I have to to protect little G!!! I don't know where A is going to go. At the moment, it doesn't look like her H would take her back home.
So many things going through my mind. I know the pitfalls!! I can't allow this to give me doubts about my own situation. I can't allow myself to blame myself for the abuse of MY past & how it all has affected my kids!!
I DO want to say that if you think you can protect or shield your kids from the affects of abuse - YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These kids are 22 & 19!!! The 22 year old should have known better - she learned too many lessons from her father! My other girls (I have 4 total) are doing good with minimal "damage" from the past abuse. The 22 year old is affected the most. They are all girls. I love ALL my daughters with all my heart. What else can I do!!!!!!! I have to let this go just like I had to let everything else in my life go. I have to let God handle the situation beyond this point. It's just so hard! God Bless - LS Allowing abuse is never the answer. If your daughter that is having marital problems, knowing she has no other place to go, can't control herself long enough while staying at your house, no wonder she is having problems in her marriage. The one that is married, has had her chance, and she blew it. The daughter that was struck, was struck in the safety of her own home. You need to get the abusive daughter out of your house, and out of harms way of your daughter that still resides in your home, even if that means living in her car. I am sure there are shelters somewhere in the area, and if she stayed a few nights in one of those, it may wake her up enough to calm her butt down, and act like a human being. There is NEVER a valid reason for violence, unless it is protecting your life, your families life, or your "castle. I don't think any of those apply in your case. Your daughter has committed battery on her sister. This is not just sibling squabble at this point. If she is mature enough to assume the roll of spouse, she should be mature enough to keep her hands to herself. Do you really need the extra stress? I hope this helps |
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August 2, 2005, 8:49 am PDT
Quote From: lsforls It's 4 in the morning. I can't sleep. Don't know what to do!!!!!! Last night my one daughter that's living with me temporarily because her marriage is falling apart punched my other daughter in the mouth!!!! Daughter S has braces! Daughter A moved 4 TEETH & we need to go to the dentist 1st thing in the morning to see if the teeth can be saved & if everything will be OK! I told A that she would have to leave the house before the end of this day!!!!!!!! S is at her sister's house for the night. Short of a restraining order - which I'm trying to avoid, what can I do!!!!!!! There is a 3 year old involved. I am worried about what will happen with him. A says she will have to live in her car. I told her that I would call the police & child protective services if she did that!
I gave A a chance to get her life back together here. She has MANY problems emotionally & is seeing a therapist. I talked to A's husband about the situation. I told him that I do not want to get the police involved if we can avoid it but I will do what I have to to protect little G!!! I don't know where A is going to go. At the moment, it doesn't look like her H would take her back home.
So many things going through my mind. I know the pitfalls!! I can't allow this to give me doubts about my own situation. I can't allow myself to blame myself for the abuse of MY past & how it all has affected my kids!!
I DO want to say that if you think you can protect or shield your kids from the affects of abuse - YOU CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! These kids are 22 & 19!!! The 22 year old should have known better - she learned too many lessons from her father! My other girls (I have 4 total) are doing good with minimal "damage" from the past abuse. The 22 year old is affected the most. They are all girls. I love ALL my daughters with all my heart. What else can I do!!!!!!! I have to let this go just like I had to let everything else in my life go. I have to let God handle the situation beyond this point. It's just so hard! God Bless - LS That is SO FAR beyond acceptable -- I am speechless.
So are you saying that you asked her to leave the home? Or has she moved out?
I would NOT just let go of this situation.
I'd be having a REALLY serious talk with your abusive daughter. I would make her understand that what she did is ASSAULT and BATTERY and she COULD go to JAIL! Heck maybe she ought to go to JAIL! I think the best thing for her may be natural consequences. It may be a great lesson for HER to live in her car. I might even go so far as to say the I would be willing to keep her son while she lives in the car if she can't be a civil, decent human being. I don't care how many emotional problems she has -- wrong is wrong.
Don't blame your self for HER actions. You and hubby did teach your kids to be victims/abusers, BUT they are ADULTS now and they know right from wrong.
If I were your grandsons' Dad, I wouldn't take her back either and her son may be better of with his Dad while his Mom is homeless. It's not like she can't come visit her son.
Sheesh -- unbelievable.
Try not to let the guilt eat away at you. You did better when you knew better. Your eldest is going to have some tough lessons to learn -- better that it happen now with family than with some stranger who could cause ALOT MORE harm to her or your grandchild.
I know it's tough. Q
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