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Replies to '12/27 Extreme Parenting'
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October 27, 2005, 11:09 am PDT
 Quote From: mjkkas Julie, This sounds so much like my husband, minimizing my feelings and verbally abusing all of us. Saying that I am too sensitive. When I married him he had 2 children and one was just a baby, her mother died on childbirth. He has such anger towards this precious child. She is now 7 and she is afraid of her dad, he doesn't hit her but he is 350 lbs and he gets in her face and is very mean. He calls her names like cow and pig. I have talked to a psychologist about what to do and he tells me that i just need to be there for her and let her know that he is wrong and to just be a support to her. I have explained to him that he cannot do the things that he does to her or any of the other children. One time things got so bad and my oldest daughter moved out and lived with her dad (and she hates him). I told him that I can not live like that and that I would be gone if he continued. He has been much better and made some improvements. But still the fear that has been planted in my 7 yr olds heart is still there. There are 4 kids all together but he seems to single out the 7 yr old. I realize that there are a lot of things he must be going through, but I can' t let that excuse his behavior of abuse on any of us. I have not seen this show yet, but I think you have alot of courage and I hope that whatever happens you can make peace with yourself. You are trying to make a difference in your own life and the lives of many here. Thank you so much!
mj Julie- I've been your daughter and you need to protect your daughter from ever having contact with that man again. My mom's husband was much like your husband, and my mom was much like you. My mom was fairly passive in her discipline, but she did teach us right from wrong. She lacked confidence in her ability to parent. I can't tell you how badly I wish my mom had kicked him out the day he stepped out of bounds. You need to protect her from him and you need to work to figure out why you would accept someone like him into your and your daughters lives.
I resented every day that he was in our house, disciplining my brother and me, telling all of us what was wrong with us, that until he came along we had no structure and that we were lucky we had him to 'fix' us.
All that your husband is doing is creating a situation where your daughter is going to feel like she is inadequate, unlovable and unworthy of being treated well. It's a very dark road for a young woman that feels that way about herself. She is more likely to become a smoker, drug & alcohol user, she is more liekly to become involved with a man that is also physically and emotinally abusive and a man that uses drugs. She is more likely to not go to college and struggle with school.
If you never spoke to him again it would be the greatest gift you could give your daughter. It took me YEARS of therapy to undo the damage that was done. To this day when I hear my step-dad's name the hair on the back of my neck stands up.
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