Replies to '10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"'

this is where you have to decide to be the parent instead of the friend. when you have to decide between a game and groceries that is a sign of a larger problem. as parents we have to teach our children that in life you cant always get everyting you want, nor is it good for us to have everything we want. have you son help with making a shopping list, let him know how much things cost and explain that the money is not unlimited. teach him to be a wise spender and how to save for special things he wants. then when he is able to get something special like an xbox or a game, he will have a better appriciation on how much sacrifice you had to go through to get him special treats. it isnt easy and it will break your heart when you have to tell him no, but in the long run you will be raising a more responsible child.

You could begin giving your child a small allowance each week, and encourage him to save it to buy or help you pay for what he really wants.  This way, he will learn that it takes time & patience to earn the toys he likes.  If he chooses to spend it before he reaches the amount of the toy he's had on his mind, then he can't get it.  Telling a child no is not punishment, it is necessary in successful parenting.  I grew up with a single mother & I knew that I wouldn't be able to have everything all my peers had.  I feel as though I appreciate life more today because of that.  Best wishes!

Or work yourself into a guilt trip. You are doing far more for your kids by teaching them they can't have everything they want right when they want it. How much stuff do any of us really need cluttering up the joint?   

  

A good thing to start practicing with your kids early on is: every Thanksgiving have them go through all the stuff they already have and decide what they don't want or play with anymore. Take the discards to one of the charities for the less fortunate children. We lived in an 800 square ft townhouse, we had to get rid of stuff for there to be room for us!!! :-) As soon as your kids are old enough have them go with you, as volunteer workers, to one of the Xmas Give-aways to see what not having anything really means. It was an eye-opener for my son when a little boy got excited over a brand new bag of socks. First time in the kids life he had something brand new that was all his. Son came home and swore he'd never say "but all the other kids have one" again and he hasn't. 

  

Check used video game stores for the XBox or other game systems, most times they will have one or two as well as used games at a much cheaper price. Blockbuster has had them in the past, don't know about now though. 

  

Hang in there, as another poster said "our kids grow up despite us" ;-) 

I don't know if I would knock myself out to get one of these. My children saved up for their xbox-from birthday money and their allowance.  It isn't educational and it can really consume a lot of their time and focus.  I allow them to play with it very sparingly-mostly as a reward for doing all of their tasks and homework.  Of course, they think that is totally unfair-lol! 

  

You can rent an x box and games. That is one way to make it a rare treat rather than a brain drain. 

My husband had nothing when I married him.  He is now a self made multimillionaire due to an incredible work ethic, brains and a bit of luck.  So we ARE able to give our kids everything they want.  But we DON'T and guess what?  I do not feel one iota of guilt because I know that by not giving in to all of their material desires, I am actually taking care of them better than the ridiculous moms on this show.  It is absolutely a disservice to your children to give give give.  They couldn't possibly appreciate the value of a dollar and the work that goes on behind that money if they do not work for some of the things they want.  When humans don't ever do without they become unable to appreciate what they have.  I am not saying that you should make your children go without food for a week so that they have compassion for the hungry or wear tattered clothes so that they empathize with the poor, but they should be taught how to control their buying impulses, how to plan and save for something special.  They will have a much greater sense of achievement the day they can point to their new x-box and tell their friends, "I bought this myself!"  They should be told NO from time to time so that they get the sense that the world does not turn on their wants and desires and that sometimes they will be disappointed in life but learn that they can and do get over those disappointments.  Our girls are expected to give some of their allowance at the end of the year to a charity of their choice.  They spend a lot of time researching this every year and it means so much more for them to do this themselves with their own money so that they get a feel for sacrificing some of their own funds for the greater good of their fellow man.  They are getting practice in the art  of giving at an early age.  It would mean very little to them to know that Mom and Dad donated funds to whatever in their name.  Big deal. 

  

What we never skimp on is spending time with our kids.  They benefit from that so much more than a TV, phone, or computer in their room (not happening in our home).  We are giving them a great education and we go on some great vacations.  We allow them to play club sports (expensive) because they get great lessons in teamwork and they learn how hard you have to work to be successful.  They learn about goal setting and how you truly only get back what you are willing to give.  They get so much more out of these experiences than any material thing could ever give them.  

  

Neither daughter has ever had a designer purse or shoes.  They wear uniforms to school and have a decent but modest after school wardrobe. But you will never meet two happier teens.  They never complain or whine or demand because they learned from the very beginning that this behavior does not yield results. 

  

So next time your kid wants the latest doodad say NO but do not say   "I can't afford it."  Tell them they don't need this item but perhaps they could save their allowance or work it off by doing odd jobs for you around the house or at work...AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY!!!!