Replies to 'Infertility'

I don't even know where to begin. I am 30 years old and have lost myself. All my life all I have ever wanted was a child of my own. I am currently going through a divorce partly because of the fact that I am consumed with being able to have a child of my own. There is no saving my marriage my marriage is irreconcilable. When I was 21 they told me that I went through menopause, and they have no explanation as to why it happened. They told me that the only way that I can have a child is to go through what is know as an egg donor procedure. The only problem is that it will cost about $20-$25 thousand dollars, and there is no way that I can afford that. At first I was happy that they told me that there was a way that I could have a child but once they told me the cost I knew that I would not be able to afford that. Dr. Phil I have lost myself, and I don't know how to find myself again. I cry myself to sleep at night. It is very painful to be around babies, or even children for that matter. When I was married I had a step-daughter, I loved her very much and still do. However she was not mine, and now that my husband and I are going through a divorce I have lost her also and it is killing me. When I walk through any department store if I get anywhere near the baby section or toy section I break down into tears. And now that I have lost my step-daughter it is even worse. I have currently moved to a different state. It was just too painful to be around my family there. My dad had a new child in Aug. of 2004 and I’m not even allowed to see him. My brother had a new baby 2 months ago and it was just too hard to be around them that I had to leave the state. I moved in with a friend in Indiana, in the hopes that within the next couple months I plan on moving to Illinois because I have been told that it is a state law that health insurance company's have to cover ivf. and some will even cover egg donor. Robin have I have a very close friend that has offered to donate his sperm to me just so that way I can have a child. I understand that it would not be me per say due to the fact that it would be someone else’s eggs but at least I would be able to carry the baby and give birth and it would be my child for the rest of my life. I would be able to love nurture and care for it and bring it up in this world and teach it all the things that a mother can. To be able to watch it find it’s hands and feet. To be able to take it to the park and play with the other kids. I really need help with dealing with this it may sound extreme but my quality of life has really gotten bad. All I do is dwell on the fact that I can’t have kids and that is the only thing out of life that I have really wanted. I would sell my soul to the devil if I knew that I would be able to have a child of my own. I am a member of resolve. And I also see a doctor for me depression how ever I do not feel that any thing will help the only thing that would help is if I had a child of my own. Thanks for listening .  

Abby