Replies to 'Pregnancy Loss'

After reading your story my heart went out to you.  I wanted to let you know that there is still hope, I myself have lost two children due to premature labour and felt that my whole world had come crashing down.  I was told plenty of stories from people; it's part of god's plan, it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my children.  Well it turns out that all those people were wrong there was nothing wrong with my children the reason I went into labour was because I have what the doctors call an "incompetent cervix".  I found this out after the loss of my daughter Jorja on August 15th 2004 and was given options that would definitely give me a baby.  I tried these options and in March 2005 I found out I was pregnant again.  This was the most terrifying time in my life, I knew that mentally, emotionally and physically I could not handle losing another child.  All seemed to be going well then at 24 weeks I had a scan and we found that my waters were sitting in my cervix and I was rushed to hospital.  I live in a small town that doesn't handle babies at this stage so I was flown by helicopter to one that could.  They put me in surgery, pushed my waters back up and placed a suture in my cervix to hold it shut.  Everyday was scary never knowing what might happen.  I talked to my little girl everyday telling her to hold on, be strong because her mummy and daddy really love her and want her to be with them.  On Friday 14th October 2005 I gave birth to a little girl 5 pound 9 ounces we named her Lilly.  She came a month early and was small but she id fighting fit and growing everyday.  Your probably wondering why I have told you this?  I want you to know that although we are the ones pregnant our husbands hurt too.  It is hard to let them in because they couldn't possibly understand the pain we feel but it's hard for them too because they never felt that bond that only a mother and child can feel and although the only way we know to handle it is to push them away we really need to do whatever we can to hold on to them.  Losing children is hard enough you should try to include your husband in your pain.  You have both been through so much together now is not the time to handle it alone.  I know I could not have dealt with my grief without my husband, there are still times when I cry for my children atleast once a week and I think of them everyday.  I wish you luck with your pregnancy, try to find a way to relax and have some stress relief (yoga, meditation, etc.) whatever works for you and include your husband.  You will probably be really paranoid about every little thing it helps to have really good medical support and family and friends that know your situation.  Good Luck.

Hi my baby Kailey was still born on January 26th 2005 and we are still trying to get pregnant again.  She was my second pregancy, my first was a misscarriage at 13 weeks.  I can relate to how you feel with your husband, as we struggle everyday.  Unfortunately we will never be the same people we were before we lost our babies, but know that your husband is there for you.  You will need his love and support to get through this preganacy, regardless of the outcome.   You should try to talk to your husband.  This pregancy isn't going to be easy, but it will be easier together.   The pain and loss you experienced will not go away, and this baby will not replace the void of your other angels, but the best gift you can give to them is to live you life in a way that will make them proud.   

what I find the hardest is to see through my pain, that my husband is greiving as well.     

I wish you the best with your pregancy.