Replies to '10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"'

My husband had nothing when I married him.  He is now a self made multimillionaire due to an incredible work ethic, brains and a bit of luck.  So we ARE able to give our kids everything they want.  But we DON'T and guess what?  I do not feel one iota of guilt because I know that by not giving in to all of their material desires, I am actually taking care of them better than the ridiculous moms on this show.  It is absolutely a disservice to your children to give give give.  They couldn't possibly appreciate the value of a dollar and the work that goes on behind that money if they do not work for some of the things they want.  When humans don't ever do without they become unable to appreciate what they have.  I am not saying that you should make your children go without food for a week so that they have compassion for the hungry or wear tattered clothes so that they empathize with the poor, but they should be taught how to control their buying impulses, how to plan and save for something special.  They will have a much greater sense of achievement the day they can point to their new x-box and tell their friends, "I bought this myself!"  They should be told NO from time to time so that they get the sense that the world does not turn on their wants and desires and that sometimes they will be disappointed in life but learn that they can and do get over those disappointments.  Our girls are expected to give some of their allowance at the end of the year to a charity of their choice.  They spend a lot of time researching this every year and it means so much more for them to do this themselves with their own money so that they get a feel for sacrificing some of their own funds for the greater good of their fellow man.  They are getting practice in the art  of giving at an early age.  It would mean very little to them to know that Mom and Dad donated funds to whatever in their name.  Big deal. 

What we never skimp on is spending time with our kids.  They benefit from that so much more than a TV, phone, or computer in their room (not happening in our home).  We are giving them a great education and we go on some great vacations.  We allow them to play club sports (expensive) because they get great lessons in teamwork and they learn how hard you have to work to be successful.  They learn about goal setting and how you truly only get back what you are willing to give.  They get so much more out of these experiences than any material thing could ever give them.  

Neither daughter has ever had a designer purse or shoes.  They wear uniforms to school and have a decent but modest after school wardrobe. But you will never meet two happier teens.  They never complain or whine or demand because they learned from the very beginning that this behavior does not yield results. 

So next time your kid wants the latest doodad say NO but do not say   "I can't afford it."  Tell them they don't need this item but perhaps they could save their allowance or work it off by doing odd jobs for you around the house or at work...AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY!!!!