Replies to 'Single Parenting'
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November 1, 2005, 5:41 pm PST
 Quote From: babybear20 I am in need of some good advice. I am 20 years old and have a 1 year old son and am raising him without his father in his life. I live with my parents and am very greatful that they are helping me out by giving us a place to live and watching him while I am at work. The first 9 months of his life I was one of those mothers who did nothing but sit around with the baby on my chest. My mom was constantly telling me that I need to put him down and I never listened because we loved cuddling up together. I believe that the time I spent with him at that time in his life was a big part of the happy child that he is today. He always has a smile on his face and is constantly "on the go". My problem is this: at 9 months I stopped breastfeeding and started meeting new friends and going on dates. Now, he is 13 months and I have a couple friends and a boyfriend. I work during the week but not even that many hours and I am looking for a job with more hours. I am with him during the week when I am home and I go out usually one time on the weekends. I started dating a guy and I think that it will last for a long time, I do not see the problem with having my son around my boyfriend once in a while. Not like we have him with us every time we go out, just once in a while we like to go out all 3 of us. Now my mother writes me e-mails (note that we live together and she could just talk to me) to tell me things like "you are a horrible mother" and "I am so disappointed in you" and other things like that. I have also heard her tell my son that he has a "bad mommy". She also goes around to other family members and friends to tell them what I am doing in hopes that they side with her and will tell me that some people are mad at me when they are not.
She does not just do it to me, she does the same thing to my older sister who has 3 kids and lives on her own. Does anyone else think that she is acting weird or am I the one who is wrong? Please give me some advice!!! Thanks! I would just like to point out that there is a lot of research that suggest we pick up our parenting style from our own parents. That doesn't mean we were all programed to be our parents. But what it does mean is that we parent relative to our own parents. Either we liked some aspect, or did not like some aspect and based on that we do what we feel is right. I've never agreed with having children out of wedlock, and whether anyone else agrees or not is beside the point. The point is that parents are primarily responcible for giving a child those morals. I don't know the details of your situation, or your sister's, but at face value your mother failed to do so! Furthermore, if you're going to complain about something you damn well better offer up a solution. If you mom is going to keep calling you a bad mother, dispite the fact she does not appear to be good one, then she needs to come up some reasons why you are a bad mother and what she feels could help. Otherwise she needs to shut up. So, ask her, to her face (and, yes, the emails are very passive agressive) to give you specific things she feels you are doing wrong. AND specific things she thinks you ought to be doing to correct the problem... if those things seem reasonable then follow her advice. But until she can come up with some kind of reasoning, she doesn't have much of an argument. |
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November 3, 2005, 7:52 am PST
Quote From: babybear20 I am in need of some good advice. I am 20 years old and have a 1 year old son and am raising him without his father in his life. I live with my parents and am very greatful that they are helping me out by giving us a place to live and watching him while I am at work. The first 9 months of his life I was one of those mothers who did nothing but sit around with the baby on my chest. My mom was constantly telling me that I need to put him down and I never listened because we loved cuddling up together. I believe that the time I spent with him at that time in his life was a big part of the happy child that he is today. He always has a smile on his face and is constantly "on the go". My problem is this: at 9 months I stopped breastfeeding and started meeting new friends and going on dates. Now, he is 13 months and I have a couple friends and a boyfriend. I work during the week but not even that many hours and I am looking for a job with more hours. I am with him during the week when I am home and I go out usually one time on the weekends. I started dating a guy and I think that it will last for a long time, I do not see the problem with having my son around my boyfriend once in a while. Not like we have him with us every time we go out, just once in a while we like to go out all 3 of us. Now my mother writes me e-mails (note that we live together and she could just talk to me) to tell me things like "you are a horrible mother" and "I am so disappointed in you" and other things like that. I have also heard her tell my son that he has a "bad mommy". She also goes around to other family members and friends to tell them what I am doing in hopes that they side with her and will tell me that some people are mad at me when they are not.
She does not just do it to me, she does the same thing to my older sister who has 3 kids and lives on her own. Does anyone else think that she is acting weird or am I the one who is wrong? Please give me some advice!!! Thanks! I think you mom sounds a little deranged :p Pardon my saying that, but she sounds like she's very overprotective and hates the idea of not having her children around. So, she explodes on you and insults your parenting ability when you leave. It sounds like her way of trying to get you to stick around. I'd tell her that I don't appreciate the insults and if she doesn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. A good parent would encourage their children and point out the good things, not just berate them with negativity. Whenever I feel like I'm not being a good enough mother, my father points out all of the good things I've done and tells me that I'm a wonderful mother I am. I once had a boyfriend who was too cowardly to confront me with problems, and wrote letters to me, even though we were living together. I later confronted him face-to-face about it, but he just rejected the communication. You can probably predict what happened to that relationship. So it sounds like you mother has alot to say, but is too afraid to tell you face-to-face. She's acting like a coward and a bully. -And she needs to cut the cord because you are an adult now. Plus, if you go out, try to find someone else to watch your son besides your parents if you don't already. |
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