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Replies to '12/30 The Stepford Family'
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November 1, 2005, 8:19 pm PST
 Quote From: jennybt I can't tell you how refreshing it is to read these words that came from someone elses mouth other than my own!!! You've stated exactly how I feel, and what I'm going through! My situation. . . I am an artist, my husband an engineer. I've been with him on and off for 18 years. I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM CRY, EVEN AT HIS OWN FATHERS BOUT W/CANCER, NOR AT HIS FUNERAL!!! There is so much to tell, where do I start. I'll get to the current situation. Due to a recent move (which he was VERY much nervous about choosing), he has found himself extremely stressed out (bigger bills, not having a 'perfect' product ie. . .the paint job, the flooring etc. . .). So stressed that his health HAS been affected. He now has a low white blood cell count. Yet he continues without getting professional help. The rest of us, myself and our 4 children, tiptoe around him and walk on eggshells. IT SUCKS!!!! If any of us laugh, he looks at us like we're weird. If I ask him out, or to do something fun, he finds something to complain about (ie. . ."Did you know that glass of wine was $7.00?!?!?" Even when I only had one, and we RARELY go out!) I can't take it! It kills me to see it affecting the kids! I want him to get help SO badly, and have for years. But he can't justify spending the time and money on such a thing when he can hardly even see that there is a problem. I don't know what to do, and I really need help! I don't want to raise my children without a father whether it is due to his killing himself over being a perfectionist/controller, or my leaving him, or even just not being present for the fun wonderful things that children do! HELP!!!! Does anyone have advice for getting help for someone who doesn't want it and resists it at all costs? -Sincerely, Desperate Hi -- I'm Robin, the big redheaded chick who was on the show today. I feel for you so much, being married to an engineer can be really hard on your self esteem. Eight years ago I decided that I couldn't change him, but I could change me. I've been seeing the same counselor, off and on, since then. I can't tell you it has been easy, but today it's much clearer to me what I am and am not responsible for. Is there is any way you can -- maybe through your church or synagogue? -- try to find a good counselor to help you through this rocky time? . . . you're not alone. . . my heart really goes out to you. |
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April 14, 2006, 8:07 pm PDT
Quote From: jennybt I can't tell you how refreshing it is to read these words that came from someone elses mouth other than my own!!! You've stated exactly how I feel, and what I'm going through! My situation. . . I am an artist, my husband an engineer. I've been with him on and off for 18 years. I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM CRY, EVEN AT HIS OWN FATHERS BOUT W/CANCER, NOR AT HIS FUNERAL!!! There is so much to tell, where do I start. I'll get to the current situation. Due to a recent move (which he was VERY much nervous about choosing), he has found himself extremely stressed out (bigger bills, not having a 'perfect' product ie. . .the paint job, the flooring etc. . .). So stressed that his health HAS been affected. He now has a low white blood cell count. Yet he continues without getting professional help. The rest of us, myself and our 4 children, tiptoe around him and walk on eggshells. IT SUCKS!!!! If any of us laugh, he looks at us like we're weird. If I ask him out, or to do something fun, he finds something to complain about (ie. . ."Did you know that glass of wine was $7.00?!?!?" Even when I only had one, and we RARELY go out!) I can't take it! It kills me to see it affecting the kids! I want him to get help SO badly, and have for years. But he can't justify spending the time and money on such a thing when he can hardly even see that there is a problem. I don't know what to do, and I really need help! I don't want to raise my children without a father whether it is due to his killing himself over being a perfectionist/controller, or my leaving him, or even just not being present for the fun wonderful things that children do! HELP!!!! Does anyone have advice for getting help for someone who doesn't want it and resists it at all costs? -Sincerely, Desperate So many of the postings here describe very well the experience of being in an Asperger relationship. (Not all engineers have Asperger's of course, but many of them do). There is information available, but there is a lack of awareness, both in the general public and amongst health professionals, because the syndrome has really only been recognized for about 10 years.
Please look at: www.asperger-marriage.info - click on the guestbook to read similar experiences to yours www.tonyattwood.com.au - the world expert on AS. Has links to support groups etc. www.maxineaston.co.uk - Psychologist who specialises on counselling AS couples www.faaas.org - info and support for families of adults with AS www.aspia.org.au - support group in Australia - can send info via email if you request
If you are in such a relationship, you will need information and emotional support as years of lack of emotional reciprocity eats away at your self-esteem and you are at risk of depression . Not surprisingly, many women eventually leave. Often AS in the adult is only recognised after a child has been diagnosed. Good luck. |
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