Replies to '12/30 The Stepford Family'

I respect what you are saying regarding taking care of yourself and showing respect by doing what you can to please your spouses needs.  But my experience with an engineer husband (to save on time I will only respond to the examples you've used in your statements and not my own numerous ones) is this. . .tools.  "Return them, you're not a teenager who uses such an excuse."  Well, are you perfect?  Don't you forget things once in a while?  Do you have children at home, phone calls etc that can easily distract your attention from such a minor thing as forgetting to return the screwdriver?  Or your statement "Let her get her own tools. . ." Again, this is only my experience, but whenever I do something of that nature, my husband would be very angry at me because he would see it as a waste of $ and that why buy your own set when we already have a perfectly good set. It's not worth the battle.  Yes, "we each deserve our own things and own space".  But the controller doesn't always see it that way.  THAT'S the problem. 

And last but not least. . ."she married him.  He hasn't changed that much. . .did she marry by mail etc. . ."  When I met my husband, he put on a pretty good face, and hid most of what he controlled.  As time went on, the situation changed (children, mortgage, etc. . .) and even though I had a pretty good idea of what it would be like in a marriage, I didn't realize how extreme it would get.  It just magnified with each new challenge or change.  \ 

An example. . .to figure out how he would be as a father. . . besides having discussions about it (a man of few words), I would watch him with his neices and nephews.  He was carefree, sweet etc and still is. . .to the outside world.  In his own house w/own kids, he is a complete control freak.  A loving father w/good intentions, but FAR too controlling.  Who could see this until he fathered his own children???