Replies to '05/31 Falsely Accused'

I believe that the couple said that anyone who was there to cause a problem or tried to start trouble would be asked to leave.  There were MANY things said over the course of my rehearsal dinner & then wedding & NO ONE ever said anything to me or my husband until nearly a YEAR later.  They wouldn't have wanted to upset us on our special weekend.  Why would this Aunt go right to this couple and start telling them about something this mother said about the grooms father & her ex?  The mother-in-law said she thought she was speaking from one divorced woman to another and so perhaps this conversation had gone both ways and just haven't heard that part of it.  Weddings are a time to put aside differences but when we meet people who are connected to us through a new marriage or union we look for things we've got in common.  At my wedding my father had approached my husbands uncle and had been asking about his home in upstate NY because eh'd had a dream of having this very same thing and while he had the property he hadn't build an actual home there.  I'd been telling my parents about this uncle and his place for 2 yearsand my parents were excited because I'd made them sound so likeable.  Instead of greeting my father (father of the bride no less) in a warm and excited to meet you too kind of way he basically got nasty thinking my father was "fishing for an inviatation up to his place".   No one told me this for like 5 years until this uncle passed away.   My parents would never have intruded on my marriage or allowed a stupid comment to create a family feud which it would have because we use to go to this uncles all the time & I would NEVER have gone to his home again if I'd known.   My parents knew this & swallowed whatever upset the comment had left them with because they knew it wasn't important.   

You see they understand that this is just the way this uncle probably was.  You see that "authentic self" works BOTH ways and so if this Mother-in-law has been left hurt and angry this is a part of who she is.   I think it's one thing to say that anyone causing an arguement or starting a fight  is going to be asked to leave but to be escorted out by the police because of something she SAID?  I think this is over the top and on top of that if the woman had raised these children on her own because this man had an affair & left for this other woman/child I think her son owes her the RESPECT she due for that!   With everything we hear about abusive parents today & mothers hauling kids off bridges & abandoning them she didn't have to raise them.  Life could have been a lot more comfy if she'd dropped them all off on the Dads door step but she didn't she took care of them herself.  Whenever I find myself upset with an in-law I try to remember how much I love my husband and I give them the respect they are due for having raised him to be that person that I love so much.  Now I haven't seen the show yet and so I don't know that this woman wasn't abusive but having grown sons I can say I do see the flip side.  Because we're "mom" anything can be said to us & we're suppose to just shrug and say "Oh well he/she's an adult now"  That doesn't give people the right to be disrespectful to their parent.  I'd never speak tomy mother in such a manner & I'm 46 yrs. old.  Wait until you hear what a parent sounds like when they're elderly!  They're going through so many different things at the same time and it can be heard in the way they speak.  They're angry, hurt, feeling belittled, lonely etc. etc."  And they can't understand generations today and when they're not affraid to speak their minds they can be VERY insulting.  Are we going to just put them all out too because they're preventing us from being our "authentic selves"?  When you said parents feel they can do whatever they want to their kids you then used "we" and included yourself in this group of people (adult children) and so I'll imagine you're of that age.  You may see it differently some day and particularly if you've been married and had a spouse humiliate you and then walk out.   

You wouldn't have a self if it wasn't for your parents.