Replies to '05/31 Falsely Accused'

the problem is.  About 2 1/2 years ago one of my brothers who is 6 years older than me, wrote me to ask me for   "forgiveness for what I have done to you".  I made the mistake of writing back and saying are you apologizing for "this, or that, or that, or that" (naming what it could possibly be - some around sexual abuse).   I DID tell him he was forgiven and that I was very proud of him for asking forgiveness.   He wrote me an e:Mail and said he was removing my name from his phone book, etc.  Not long after that I contacted the widow of another brother via phone when I was visiting the Chicago area.  She was very angry with me about calling her and told me never to call her again and she would not explain what I had done...she just said "I don't want to be bothered with you" and hung up.  I believe she had visited the brother mentioned above and his wife in Georgia prior to this conversation and they may have told her about the letter. 

On 7/4/2005 I called the same brother  and told him I wanted to be his sister and I missed him.  He received my call but wasn't particularly friendly to me.   I followed the call up with a letter which he received 7/8 and he dropped dead on 7/11/2005.  (He was 74.  I'm 68.)   I went to his memorial service in Georgia - but his family (his 2nd family) was not very warm to me and looked at me with 'icy" eyes.  I knew something was terribly wrong.   

On 8/24/2005 my next and last brother (age 80) died in Illinois and I drove to his funeral from Colorado.  The same sister-in-law from the Chicago area was there and she hugged everyone standing in the funeral home and held their hand and gave them encouraging words but when she got to me (whom she had ignored even when standing next to me) - she passed by and said "hello Betty " in a cold and icy way and did not stop at all.  Her fiance was with her (these people are in their 70's) and as soon as she said to him "This is Betty" he dropped my hand like a hot potato and didn't say hello.   I was crushed.  This sister in law is the widow of my very closest brother whom I loved very much.  We were close in age and were best friends.  She has never treated me particulary well.  I almost left the funeral but decided I wouldn't.  I am very, very sad.  I believe the original brother who wrote me for forgiveness showed either his wife or this sister in law the letter I wrote.   I believe the letter must have been mis-read or mis-interpreted.  Perhaps my brother went to lengths to deny the accusiations I made about him and my older brother......I'm not sure........it would be just like my brother to write on this letter that I was a liar or something and save it for people to see if I ever accused him.........at any rate, I was never believed when I was a teen and told my family of rape by my oldest brother and was always accused of being a liar.   Now I'm afraid of this.  I regret ever  having told anyone of these incidents.  I especially regret writing the letter to my brother who asked for forgiveness - I wish I would have said he was forgiven (which I did) and left it at that and not put the rest in writing.  I have a copy of my letter to him and I reread it the other day - I can see how it might be misconstrued that I was saying my two other brothers molested me - and then that may have gotten repeated.   I'm very sad as this sister in law has good standing with the remaining wives, etc. and they keep in touch.   

This is all speculation on my part but I just cannot imagine what else could have happened.  Since the one sister in law will not talk to me I have no way of knowing.  The widow of the brother I accused is 83 and not in good health so I cannot discuss this wih her.  I did tell the widow of my last brother, whom I hardly know, about the letter I wrote and how much I regreted writing it.  I told her I knew this brother had changed his ways when he became a young man and had never touched me again after he was about 16 or 17.....and I know he didn't touch his own daughter inappropriately.  I think she believes me and understands.   I emphasised to her that her husband and the brother whom I was so close to NEVER touched me...... 

I never falsly accused these people but I feel as if trying to stand up for me has caused me life long grief as I've been an outsider.  I loved my brothers and my family but I feel like most of them felt I was falsly accusing the 2 perps.....