Replies to 'Afraid to Ask for What You Want Sexually?'
|
November 15, 2005, 2:14 pm PST
 Quote From: widget Here's the thing... Throughout my sexual history, i have had what i term "a boring sexlife"! By that i mean it's either missionary, doggy or me riding him. I have only ever had an orgasm once when i was 17... i dont think i've cum since then either. (sorry to be graphic lol) Now, i was in a physically violent relationship a few years back and in that time also had my youngest son. Due to the beatings etc, apparently my internal muscles were/are "stressed" which in other words is like saying the elasticity in my muscles isnt there anymore! I no longer FEEL sex like i used to, its harder for me to be pleased and i feel like im too loose to be able to please him (my partner). He's told me that 'I ROCK' but here's the kicker - i'm not getting anything out of it!! I'm at a point where i love him so much that i want to experience so many things, sexually speaking, but because of the fact that i've never had any GOOD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES in my life.... i wouldnt have a clue how to ask for it! My partner's not a "huggy" type of guy or one who shows emotions or sentimentality by any stretch of the imagination - no I LOVE YOU's etc... he gives off the COLD SHOULDER type of personna... but i know he loves me with all his heart and that its just the way his adopted family brought him up. There's no fourplay, no different positions, no... NOTHING! I give oral, he doesn't, he gets to orgasm/cum and i dont. Its kinda like he gets and i dont scenario! I know i'm gaining a bit of weight but i'm trying not to let that affect my thinking. We live some distance away from each other and when i see him, my heart just melts!! I would love to enrich our sexlife but i have absolutely no idea how to ask with the type of personality that he has. I have tried a couple of things like a sexy nightgown, giving him a massage while hes having a bath... but because of his personality, i have no idea if he even likes it or not cos he DOESNT SAY!
PLEASE... how do i ask for more? How do i spice it up? I have no intention of 'straying', so thats not even an option. I would like to go from a BORING and dull past-sex-life... to a ZANY and spontaeneous sexlife with a never ending range of options both sexually and emotionally! I cant just say EAT ME! or CAN U PUT YOUR HAND ON *HERE*.............. that would be too embarrassing. In essence think of it like this.... WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM! kinda sex life!! (with no excitement or fun/joy in it for me AT ALL!)... how do i ask him for what i want? I KNOW I'M EMBARRASSED at the thought of asking for *whatever* so how do i overcome that one too?
Your advice is eagerly awaited and thanks for reading! Have a great day! Hi there. I totally understand what you are saying. It is sooo embarrasing having to say those things to your partner sometimes. in fact, sometimes it's just impossible. I have found the best thing to do is have a few glasses of wine (if you do drink, if not, what else relaxes you?) and do something outrageous. I recently bought a French Maids costume and when my husband got home i met him at the door. if you do something like that it will get your partner so turned on he will want to try new things with you. another thing you could do is to tie him up and then just move your body up there.. he will know what to do once you're almost sitting directly on his face.. h ha. well he should anyway. there is a possibility that he has had a bad experience in the past with oral sex and this has put him off? again, if you have couple of drinks and then just blurt out 'so do you love giving oral as much as i do?' and see what he says. at the end of the day nothing will change unless you just SAY it. and to hell with it, because you sound like it's getting you down and it will only get worse if things don't change right? p.s don't forget to do pelvic floor exercises to help strengthen those muscles in the tingly areas... :) |
|
Return to the Message Board