Replies to '08/25 Extreme Food Obsessions'
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November 4, 2005, 9:08 am PST
 Quote From: k_adderley Nichelle, In my opinion, I think that you are totally letting your child get over on you. For one I understand that you are a single Mother of two and you are only 24, but let me tell you something. I am am also a young Mother of two. I am only 21 years old. But, I feel like this if you really want your daughter to stop going on like she does then you need to buckle down and get yourself some guts! I totally understand that it is hard for you to deal with your little girls violent tantrums but, as a parent sometimes you have to go through a lot just to get to where you want to be. Eventually she will get tired of throwing her tantrum and calm down and if its that bad put her in her room until she can calm down. See my kids are one and two yrs. old perfect ages for throwing tantrums but, I can assure you that they NEVER carry on like that because I made it clear that I am the Mother and when I say no, thats what I mean and there are no if -ands, or buts about it!! Somewhere along the line you need to teach your daughter self-disapline and you also need some yourself! No one ever said that being a parent was easy. Let me break it down for you.........no, I am not a single Mother but, I am the one who is home with my kids all day long and i teach they right from wrong eventually you need to teach you daughter that NOBODY in this world gets everything they want just when they want it. But let me also say this if you dont feel like you can handle your childs tantrums just that much try changing what she is eating. You are the on in the house buying the food so buy healty food change your eating habits and change hers. Instead of eating chips for a snack and getting mad when your daughter is right there ready to eat some with you why not try eating fruit for a sncak or something like that. In my opinion your whole situation is all about self-control and you need to get some and install it into your daughter. Cause let me tell you anytime there is something in here to eat or drink my kids want if I say no, I dare them to act up, you really have to get on you daughters level and let her know whos boss! To me it looks like right now she thinks she is, she is 6 yrs old and I can promise you she knows that if she wants something and you tell her no all she has to do is throw a fit and she knows she will get. My two year old is smart enough to know what to do to get what he wants so I know she is. You shold have nipped whats going on in the bud a long time ago, and if you dont get some self control to get her where she needs to be it will only get worse. Obviously, you were not paying attention to the true circumstances of Nichelle's daughter. Nichelle's Age as a parent has a lot to do with it because she does not have any years of experience as an adult to know WHERE & HOW to ask questions regarding this very rare condition that her daughter has. She doesn't have time or background to pickup workable discipline techniques. Also as a single parent, there is no one else to fall back on so that she can take the time to make numerous phone calls, appointments, and research or even just have a moment to think on her own.
Comparing her life to yours is like apples and oranges, especially when you lay this all on the issue of discipline & self-control. Children who are physically or mentally challenged are unable to see the world as your healthy normal kids do. Her daughter does not learn as easily as your babies do. When she does learn, she has a much more difficult time with situational applications. You have NO CLUE about what you are talking about in this situation regarding a special needs child with this or any disorder.
Cause and effects of misbehavior to this child are much different than for your 1 & 2 year old. Tantrums can rage for hours and feed on themselves with non-special needs children. My brother is deaf and I remember the nightmare he put my very strong & firm parents through with his physical tantrums. They would last for hours... not just a couple, I"m talking about 8-10 hours. Furniture & people were broken. My mother had pictures of the bruises he inflicted when he was only 6 years old. He never ever learned that screaming would get him nothing. Even as a teenager, he was having them. As an adult, people still give into him than risk his wrath. Oh, he's a charmer when things go his way. At least now he just cuts you out of his life when you say something he doesn't like. Years go by without words from him. But he's what my parents truly wanted for him -- a fully functioning independent adult member of society. I'm not saying that his life is what ALL challenged individuals are like, but this world is so completely different than yours, that you cannot even fathom it. By stating that all she needs is self-control & discipline, you minimize what her daughter must face to survive.
In the 1960s there was no one to help my mother through her day. She had to drive long hours for him to be educated. Raising a deaf child back then was equated to 5 children at one time. Everyone told her to institutionalize him. I"d hate to think what Nichelle goes through. Despite abhoring her mindset that her daughter will learn not to overeat, comprehends 'pushing buttons,' and will be self sufficent despite mental retardations, I have to admire her willingness to be the scapegoat on national tv for everyone else who is mishandling their own situation. I cringe at what she was doing, especially losing her temper at her child for losing hers. With the right help & tools, I believe that her household environment will get better. It can only improve :)
Stating your experience of dealing with your one and two year old children are complete successes at such an early age (theirs) is nothing but arrogance on your part. It's much too soon to tell if your techniques actually work. Remember, child rearing is not a sprint, but a marathon. Let us know when they're 22 & hopefully independent how things work out :)
My own daughter is 26 months old and she knows very well that tantrums are usually just ignored. She'll end up talking to me or wandering off to do something else. Right now, things are really good, but who knows what paths our lives will take. I just know from the environment I was raised in, that her having no disabilities is so much easier than what my parents endured. She is such a blessing no matter how strong willed, contrary, and moody her actions are. |
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November 4, 2005, 11:05 am PST
Quote From: k_adderley Nichelle, In my opinion, I think that you are totally letting your child get over on you. For one I understand that you are a single Mother of two and you are only 24, but let me tell you something. I am am also a young Mother of two. I am only 21 years old. But, I feel like this if you really want your daughter to stop going on like she does then you need to buckle down and get yourself some guts! I totally understand that it is hard for you to deal with your little girls violent tantrums but, as a parent sometimes you have to go through a lot just to get to where you want to be. Eventually she will get tired of throwing her tantrum and calm down and if its that bad put her in her room until she can calm down. See my kids are one and two yrs. old perfect ages for throwing tantrums but, I can assure you that they NEVER carry on like that because I made it clear that I am the Mother and when I say no, thats what I mean and there are no if -ands, or buts about it!! Somewhere along the line you need to teach your daughter self-disapline and you also need some yourself! No one ever said that being a parent was easy. Let me break it down for you.........no, I am not a single Mother but, I am the one who is home with my kids all day long and i teach they right from wrong eventually you need to teach you daughter that NOBODY in this world gets everything they want just when they want it. But let me also say this if you dont feel like you can handle your childs tantrums just that much try changing what she is eating. You are the on in the house buying the food so buy healty food change your eating habits and change hers. Instead of eating chips for a snack and getting mad when your daughter is right there ready to eat some with you why not try eating fruit for a sncak or something like that. In my opinion your whole situation is all about self-control and you need to get some and install it into your daughter. Cause let me tell you anytime there is something in here to eat or drink my kids want if I say no, I dare them to act up, you really have to get on you daughters level and let her know whos boss! To me it looks like right now she thinks she is, she is 6 yrs old and I can promise you she knows that if she wants something and you tell her no all she has to do is throw a fit and she knows she will get. My two year old is smart enough to know what to do to get what he wants so I know she is. You shold have nipped whats going on in the bud a long time ago, and if you dont get some self control to get her where she needs to be it will only get worse. I to do not agree with the bad name calling or spanking with a belt or hitting in the face. But I do so understand how Nichell fills with the frustrations of a child who is developmentally delayed, speech delayed. My child does not have pws, however is Mentally Challenged and has Cerebal Palsy. So I can understand the tantrums, no speech equals frustration for you child. Being six and having your brain not six equals, I am struggling. My son did not have clear speech until he was eight years old. He is now 17 and he speaks well if you listen, however; due to some people not taking the time he becomes frustrated with them. He is behind but still thrives. He has more nerve at fighting for what he wants to do with his life more then most people I know. He will always need services to thrive on his own and owe yeah how would you feel if your child was moderately hearing impaired and he had a ears nose and throat check up every year. But they said his hearing was normal and then found out in eigth grade he needed hearing aids both ears. We found out that the reason he passed his test if because he learned to compensate by reading lips. So now I am glad a doctor took the time to listen. He is hearing sounds he has never heard before. So my point is dont judge anyone in till you have walked in their shoes. We all with disabled children deal with different issues. And I am here to tell you no two families are a like and no two children are alike with the same disablities. Thanks for listening |
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