Replies to '11/04 A Shopping Intervention'

Having money can be confusing, especially if you didn't grow up with it.  Both my husband and I were very unused to handling money or having fiscal freedom before we started practicing (we are a lawyer/psychiatrist couple). I was from a large working class family and he lost his dad when he was 2. Both of us grew up poor. 

In the beginning, we spent more than we could afford and dug a debt-hole for ourselves.  The result was that we had to delay our plans to move to a smaller city, buy a house and start our family until we paid ourselves out of debt.  When I was ready and wanting to start our life and family and I couldn't, it felt like a prison sentence. I cursed the vacations and fancy evenings out that chained us up but it was a good lesson and I am grateful that we woke up when it was still a manageable problem. 

Now, we have a financial plan that includes being able to retire and educate our children comfortably .  We figured out what we can spend in certain areas and we for plan those expenses.  I won't say that we only buy what we need because it isn't true but we did make priorities for our life and made some decisions about how we use our income.  We have some simple rules: 

1. pay ourselves first. Our education and retirement contributions come before anything;
2. we don't carry debt except a mortgage (for another 4 years:)
3. we contribute monthly to a tax account, a vacation account, a large purchase account (for vehicles, appliances, tires) and a home repair account.  We know we will have these expenses and get ready for them in advance.
4. if we can't pay for something with real money, we don't buy it.
5. we don't go shopping unless we need something.  Wandering around to try and find something to cause an impulse purchase isn't something we do at all.

Money can give you freedom, but debt is a jail sentence.  It really doesn't matter aa much what the total income of a family is, what really matters is what you spend.  The highest income earning family can live in a prison of poverty and debt and a well planned family can live comfortably on a meager income. 

 Because we have a financial plan and self control, we can choose to have freedom.  Neither of us work a full case load.  We both work weekdays only, from 9 til 3 or 4.  We both have lots of time to spend with each other and with our children.  At least once a month we stay home together on a business day and play the day away while the kids are at school.  It helps us remember why we got  married in the first place :)  We don't need to max out on earnings because we follow a financial plan and exert self control.   

It sounds like Micheal and Bridgette are in a much deeper hole and their wake up happened when they were much older so the remedy is likely going to hurt much worse but it won't get better with time. You both have to bite the bullet and get your financial life under your control so you can get out of the prison you have built yourselves.  Good luck!