Replies to 'Fears, Phobias and Anxiety Disorders'

homebnd55

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Distressed

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November 5, 2005, 7:12 pm PST

IN MY OWN JAIL

Quote From: mmast55

Glad to hear from ya! I live in the midwest. Close to Chicago. I was actually born and raised in a very small town in Iowa. Had a wonderful childhood growing up in a small town! I've lived out here for 25+ years. How did your anxieties start? Are you able to leave your house? Thank God my agoraphobia is practically gone. The only time I get nervous if I have to leave the house, is if I've been isolated for a couple of days. Right now it would be very easy for me to do that. Since I quit my main job and I live alone, It's all to easy to slip into a depression. I've been working really hard "watching " my negative thinking. I believe that's where the majority of my anxiety stems from. How old are your children? It must be enjoyable being around your grandchild so much. You're not spoiling them are ya? Easy to do. Talk to ya later....Mary

Hi Mary,

I lived here in the same location all my life. Live in the city area. Always wanted to live more near the country, because of my phobia I never got anywhere. I blame myself for most everything that happens in my families lives. I feel like I hurt them so much with my dependency. My husband is really good about accepting me the way I am, working around my problem. He always did the grocery shopping, took the kids to drs. appointments. Went to their schools. Heck he even had to shop for my clothes, underwear and bras was a real kick for him!! At least he has good taste in clothes, most the time.

I am not able to do anything on my own, outside of the house. My husband is the only one I will venture out with once in a blue moon, and even then I want someone else with us. I am a big pain in my own butt. The way this started for me was I went out with a few co-workers to celebrate my boss leaving. At the end of the night we all went back to his apt.. He lit up some pot, and was not into that kind of stuff. Well peir pressure ya' know. I did take a hit off it and the next thing ya' know I was having a full blown attack. I left and walked home a few blocks away. It just wouldn't stop. I was scared to death, could'nt sleep. Next day felt the same way. And from there on in. I had to quit working ect.. Been in my own jail since. I really hate feeling like I'm locked inside myself. I cried so many tears not being able to do things with my children and go to their school functions, parks, places. I wanted to be a good mother, cause I didn't have a loving, good family. I do know that I gave my children lots of love, lots of kisses and hugs. They are all grown up, my youngest is 17 boy, here with me, 20 girl who lives here with her baby , he is 1 1/2. I have another son 23, married 2 children and one on the way. I have a 26 yr girl married 2 boys, a 30 yr. girl married , a girl and boy. They are all good kids, not angels per say, I'm pretty proud to be their mom. I don't want to bore you with my life all at once , I'll be waiting to hear from you.