Replies to 'Fears, Phobias and Anxiety Disorders'

Quote From: mmast55

Hi Kelli,  The more I thought about your post, the more I understood.  In my mid 20's, is when I started having serious problems with anxiety/depression.  I did't have a clue what was wrong with me.  I really thought I was going crazy.  I searched my mind, day after day trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  I became very isolated and afraid.  I remember thinking about "we are just a bunch of animals."  I was living in an apartment then, and I remember looking at all the other buildings, with their individual apartments and comparing it to "caves", as in cavemen.  I compared it to ants also.  "We all go out and run through our little paths to survive and then come home to our little holes."   I'm 50 now, and have an understanding what was wrong with me.   I was SO DEPRESSED.  I hated myself; I loathed myself; I couldn't stand myself.  I did't go anywhere, except bars when I was drunk out of my mind, I didn't do anything.  I was sleeping around alot, in an attempt to "find love".  It was a very painful, confusing time in my life.  I think I started thinking about ourselves as being "animals", because I was so depressed and wasn't "living"; I was indeed merely "existing", just getting my very basic needs met.  Food and shelter.  Just like an animal.....I was really starting to loose touch with reality and I knew it.  I remember feeling so trapped.  I didn't think I would ever get out of my "mental prison".  I prayed to God to give my life to someone who wanted to live.  It was a very dark time.  But here I am!  Far from perfect, but some days I actually enjoy being alive.  I'm still on the journey to try to love myself.  I hope this might have helped you....I'd love to hear from you......Take care.....Mary