Replies to '08/17 Dr. Phil's Road Show: Newlywed Challenge'
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November 6, 2005, 9:45 am PST
 Quote From: pickle427 I am in my 2nd marriage and only been married for 2 1/2 years. I am 44 and my husband is 33. We seem to get along great for a few days and then the s*** hits the fan. It seems like when we don't agree it's world war 3. He calls me names (something he learned in his first marriage) and then he tells me "If you don't like it here, get the f*** out!" I feel disposable! I do EVERYTHING for him... from taking total care of his children.... taking them to and from school, to taking them to their activities, checkign their homework, doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, grocery shopping, errands, taking care of him, packing his lunch, preparing his plate...etc. He goes to work, and that's it. I am not working right now, but I do go to school. When I tell him how I feel about something, if it's not how he wants me to feel about the subject the fight starts. He has never actually cheated on me, but has gotten on the internet and put a fake profile on there to look at porn. I caught him and he lied about it, then confessed. He says he has not done it sense then, but who knows. Everything we do is about him, his children, his family, his wants... heck we have sex when he wants to! I almost have to beg when I want it... He thinks I am being overly dramiatic and blowing things out of proportion. Lat night for instance, he won a trophy and wanted to put it front and center on our fireplace mantle. We already had something there, so I said we could put it on the left side of the mantle. He got mad and threw a fit and put the trophy on his son's dresser and said obviously his trophy doesn't mean as much as my stupid pictures (which by the way, are family pictures). He also wanted to put his plaque (a winning plaque) on the wall above the mantle, which has a family picture of our wedding, so I took the family picture down, put it where the plaque was hanging, on another wall, put the plaque up, put his trophy on the mantle and moved the family picture off the mantle. He told me I was a selfish a**-hole and if he gets more trophies he is putting them there and if I don't like it, I can get the fu** out! It seems like he makes all the rules and I have to like them, live with them, not say anything or get out! Any suggestions????? Is this a doomed marriage too??????? HELP DR. PHIL AND VIEWERS...... Pickle427 Have you ever thought of being on the show? Only one small comment: Guys have this thing about stuff they win. I know my Dad whenever he catches a fish. He carries a picture of this fish everywhere he goes. He even sleeps with it. He puts it in the pocket on his chest of his pajamas. WHY? I don't know. I think it's a guy thing. He shows his fish pictures to anyone who will look. |
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November 6, 2005, 11:59 am PST
Quote From: pickle427 I am in my 2nd marriage and only been married for 2 1/2 years. I am 44 and my husband is 33. We seem to get along great for a few days and then the s*** hits the fan. It seems like when we don't agree it's world war 3. He calls me names (something he learned in his first marriage) and then he tells me "If you don't like it here, get the f*** out!" I feel disposable! I do EVERYTHING for him... from taking total care of his children.... taking them to and from school, to taking them to their activities, checkign their homework, doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, grocery shopping, errands, taking care of him, packing his lunch, preparing his plate...etc. He goes to work, and that's it. I am not working right now, but I do go to school. When I tell him how I feel about something, if it's not how he wants me to feel about the subject the fight starts. He has never actually cheated on me, but has gotten on the internet and put a fake profile on there to look at porn. I caught him and he lied about it, then confessed. He says he has not done it sense then, but who knows. Everything we do is about him, his children, his family, his wants... heck we have sex when he wants to! I almost have to beg when I want it... He thinks I am being overly dramiatic and blowing things out of proportion. Lat night for instance, he won a trophy and wanted to put it front and center on our fireplace mantle. We already had something there, so I said we could put it on the left side of the mantle. He got mad and threw a fit and put the trophy on his son's dresser and said obviously his trophy doesn't mean as much as my stupid pictures (which by the way, are family pictures). He also wanted to put his plaque (a winning plaque) on the wall above the mantle, which has a family picture of our wedding, so I took the family picture down, put it where the plaque was hanging, on another wall, put the plaque up, put his trophy on the mantle and moved the family picture off the mantle. He told me I was a selfish a**-hole and if he gets more trophies he is putting them there and if I don't like it, I can get the fu** out! It seems like he makes all the rules and I have to like them, live with them, not say anything or get out! Any suggestions????? Is this a doomed marriage too??????? HELP DR. PHIL AND VIEWERS...... Pickle427 I hope that you have noticed by now that this man is using you to be a baby sitter, maid, cook, and whatever else he may need for his selfishness! Get out now while you can before he beats you down anymore and makes you feel like you deserve everything he is dishing to you. You need to tell him that he doesn't deserve you and that you will take his advise and get the **** out! Tell him you don't agree with him and you need to find someone who respects you and will cherish you and his family more than a stupid trophy or plaque! He is obviously very insecure and wants to make you feel the same way he does! Don't fall for his crap! RUN, RUN, RUN!!!!!!!!! Go find yourself and be single until you meet someone who can prove to you he will put you first no matter what! |
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November 6, 2005, 12:54 pm PST
Quote From: pickle427 I am in my 2nd marriage and only been married for 2 1/2 years. I am 44 and my husband is 33. We seem to get along great for a few days and then the s*** hits the fan. It seems like when we don't agree it's world war 3. He calls me names (something he learned in his first marriage) and then he tells me "If you don't like it here, get the f*** out!" I feel disposable! I do EVERYTHING for him... from taking total care of his children.... taking them to and from school, to taking them to their activities, checkign their homework, doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, grocery shopping, errands, taking care of him, packing his lunch, preparing his plate...etc. He goes to work, and that's it. I am not working right now, but I do go to school. When I tell him how I feel about something, if it's not how he wants me to feel about the subject the fight starts. He has never actually cheated on me, but has gotten on the internet and put a fake profile on there to look at porn. I caught him and he lied about it, then confessed. He says he has not done it sense then, but who knows. Everything we do is about him, his children, his family, his wants... heck we have sex when he wants to! I almost have to beg when I want it... He thinks I am being overly dramiatic and blowing things out of proportion. Lat night for instance, he won a trophy and wanted to put it front and center on our fireplace mantle. We already had something there, so I said we could put it on the left side of the mantle. He got mad and threw a fit and put the trophy on his son's dresser and said obviously his trophy doesn't mean as much as my stupid pictures (which by the way, are family pictures). He also wanted to put his plaque (a winning plaque) on the wall above the mantle, which has a family picture of our wedding, so I took the family picture down, put it where the plaque was hanging, on another wall, put the plaque up, put his trophy on the mantle and moved the family picture off the mantle. He told me I was a selfish a**-hole and if he gets more trophies he is putting them there and if I don't like it, I can get the fu** out! It seems like he makes all the rules and I have to like them, live with them, not say anything or get out! Any suggestions????? Is this a doomed marriage too??????? HELP DR. PHIL AND VIEWERS...... Pickle427 Hi there pickle.
First of all let me say that I have alot of empathy for both you and your husband. Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard work. It is amazing how mean we can be to those who we are closest to but yet so polite to perfect strangers. Do you think it is possible that your husband feels insecure within the marriage? |
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November 7, 2005, 6:58 am PST
Quote From: pickle427 I am in my 2nd marriage and only been married for 2 1/2 years. I am 44 and my husband is 33. We seem to get along great for a few days and then the s*** hits the fan. It seems like when we don't agree it's world war 3. He calls me names (something he learned in his first marriage) and then he tells me "If you don't like it here, get the f*** out!" I feel disposable! I do EVERYTHING for him... from taking total care of his children.... taking them to and from school, to taking them to their activities, checkign their homework, doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, grocery shopping, errands, taking care of him, packing his lunch, preparing his plate...etc. He goes to work, and that's it. I am not working right now, but I do go to school. When I tell him how I feel about something, if it's not how he wants me to feel about the subject the fight starts. He has never actually cheated on me, but has gotten on the internet and put a fake profile on there to look at porn. I caught him and he lied about it, then confessed. He says he has not done it sense then, but who knows. Everything we do is about him, his children, his family, his wants... heck we have sex when he wants to! I almost have to beg when I want it... He thinks I am being overly dramiatic and blowing things out of proportion. Lat night for instance, he won a trophy and wanted to put it front and center on our fireplace mantle. We already had something there, so I said we could put it on the left side of the mantle. He got mad and threw a fit and put the trophy on his son's dresser and said obviously his trophy doesn't mean as much as my stupid pictures (which by the way, are family pictures). He also wanted to put his plaque (a winning plaque) on the wall above the mantle, which has a family picture of our wedding, so I took the family picture down, put it where the plaque was hanging, on another wall, put the plaque up, put his trophy on the mantle and moved the family picture off the mantle. He told me I was a selfish a**-hole and if he gets more trophies he is putting them there and if I don't like it, I can get the fu** out! It seems like he makes all the rules and I have to like them, live with them, not say anything or get out! Any suggestions????? Is this a doomed marriage too??????? HELP DR. PHIL AND VIEWERS...... Pickle427 In my opinion... I think that the more you give in to him with the "little things" like a trophy, he just knows he can treat you badly and then get his way when he wants at all times... at all costs. Marriage is a partnership... Dr Phil has said that so many times. You are enabling him to treat you bad by letting him get away with the name calling and the tantrums (which is what they sound like to me). Unfortunately, things won't change over night. You both need help dealing with one another. I bet if you asked him to go to marriage counseling with you he would decline saying he doesn't have a problem and blame it on you... "you can go, there is nothing wrong with me, you're the one who needs help". I've been there, to his dismay, he did have issues that stemmed from before we were ever married or together for that matter. We are now divorced. To save your marriage I would get some help as soon as possible. Also, even if he won't go with you, I would recommend going on your own to counseling. It may help you to be a stronger person and get a backbone! Plus, you don't want "his" children to grow up thinking that this is how you treat people and that it is ok. You sound like a wonderful women who needs to be appreciated rather than broke down. Keep your chin up!!! (no matter how many pillows you need to put under it). Good luck to you! |
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August 17, 2006, 2:41 pm PDT
Quote From: pickle427 I am in my 2nd marriage and only been married for 2 1/2 years. I am 44 and my husband is 33. We seem to get along great for a few days and then the s*** hits the fan. It seems like when we don't agree it's world war 3. He calls me names (something he learned in his first marriage) and then he tells me "If you don't like it here, get the f*** out!" I feel disposable! I do EVERYTHING for him... from taking total care of his children.... taking them to and from school, to taking them to their activities, checkign their homework, doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yardwork, grocery shopping, errands, taking care of him, packing his lunch, preparing his plate...etc. He goes to work, and that's it. I am not working right now, but I do go to school. When I tell him how I feel about something, if it's not how he wants me to feel about the subject the fight starts. He has never actually cheated on me, but has gotten on the internet and put a fake profile on there to look at porn. I caught him and he lied about it, then confessed. He says he has not done it sense then, but who knows. Everything we do is about him, his children, his family, his wants... heck we have sex when he wants to! I almost have to beg when I want it... He thinks I am being overly dramiatic and blowing things out of proportion. Lat night for instance, he won a trophy and wanted to put it front and center on our fireplace mantle. We already had something there, so I said we could put it on the left side of the mantle. He got mad and threw a fit and put the trophy on his son's dresser and said obviously his trophy doesn't mean as much as my stupid pictures (which by the way, are family pictures). He also wanted to put his plaque (a winning plaque) on the wall above the mantle, which has a family picture of our wedding, so I took the family picture down, put it where the plaque was hanging, on another wall, put the plaque up, put his trophy on the mantle and moved the family picture off the mantle. He told me I was a selfish a**-hole and if he gets more trophies he is putting them there and if I don't like it, I can get the fu** out! It seems like he makes all the rules and I have to like them, live with them, not say anything or get out! Any suggestions????? Is this a doomed marriage too??????? HELP DR. PHIL AND VIEWERS...... Pickle427 Pickle Honey, People don't change unless they want to and he doesn't want to. Make a plan. Stay in school. Take courses that will teach you to make a good living. Study hard and set a deadline and stick to it. Don't get pregnant. Stash away money in a safe place. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't lower yourself to his level arguing over pictures and trophies. Just look the other way and remember when he throws his fits that it won't be forever and that you have a plan. When you have your degree or certificate start looking for a job and as soon as you have a good job pack up and leave. You will be surprised how much you can achieve when you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. You will be surprised how good you will feel when you do well in school and know it is leading to freedom from the degrading names and treatment. He is a looser and he knows it, and the only way he can deal with it is to make you a looser too. Don't let him. Don't loose hope. Make a plan!
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