Quote From: betsypoo Whose needs are being met? Your mom's? Did she not teach your brother how to be an adult, and THAT's why he's "not as strong as you"? You did not say what type of injury your brother has. It seems he's able to get his body out of his bed without assistance to attend a technichal college, good. Then he is also capable of getting at least a part time job. I did it, my husband did it,my kids did it, all when we were much younger than your brother. "Looking after " someone is different than devoting your entire being to them. You need to set some boundaries. 1. what would he do if you(strong as you are) wind up disabled because of excessive work to provide for him? 2.What kind of living expenses ARE you providing, that you have to work that many hours? Are there others in the household as well? If not, you both need to look over your spending.3Have either you or him contacted social security, if his injury does not allow him to work, he is eligible for disability, which will provide for some of his living expenses. There are many programs available for the truly disabled, your brother needs to make contact. If he is unwilling or unable to make the effort, then You need to make a tough love decision, because from this perspective, you inherited Mom's 36 year old baby boy who may never choose to grow up unless he's forced to do so.
I apologize my brother has had an indutrial injury to his dominant shoulder and arm. It is rather murky because the surgery fixed the problem but the resulting nerve pain is rather ambiguious. He is currently involved in a lawsuit for this but that has been going on for nearly three years without much result. I am a private duty nurse and did exactly what you did( worked 40 hours a week and attended school and took care of my ill mother). He has no idea what he would do if something happened to me. He would be homeless, without funds, wheels ect.
As for living expenses I pay everything, rent, utilities, food, auto insurance, cell phone, storage for his stuff. You name it and I am probably paying for it. My basic budget is 2,000.00 monthly without food. That is just barely covering it. I do have a student loan that I am paying for. I also have 4 pets to provide for that I will not give up. But their expense is minor in the scheme of things.
Because his injury is so nebulous he isn't eligable for any disability assistance. The best that I can do is get him through school so that he can support himself again. That was a fairly hard sell
I really find it interesting that prior to this injusry he was a good worker and had pride in his job. Now each day is a struggle. I understand what long-term injuries are like I have a spinal injury that has plagued me for 18 years. I hurt nearly everyday but get up and keep going, nobody owes me a living I have to be willing to go get it. Why doesn't he see it this way? My mother did.
