Replies to '03/13 Infidelity Aftermath'
|
November 8, 2005, 5:12 am PST
 Quote From: katia1975 I am very interested to see this show, mainly because it is something I am dealing with right now. For the last 2 years I have been making excuses for his behavior but this time when I found out he came home, after being out of town, to the locks changed, his stuff packed and gone and me out of his life. I have heard everything I have wanted to hear from him but I have learned that he is good an telling me what I want to hear but not so good in following through with what he says.
I have found our relationship carries much a parellel to the cycle of abuse - things get better (honeymoon period) things start to slide, I catch him with another ad on a dating website, it blows up, it gets better, it starts to slide...well you get the idea. I did not go back this time as I figure if I do all am I telling him is it is okay to treat me this way, because there are no consequences for his actions. But I will not be treated this way, and I do not want my son to think that this is how you treat women. He says he is going to go to counselling. I told him if he completed 6 months and then I got to talk to his therapist about how he is doing and the progress they feel he is making then maybe we can talk about other stuff, but sadly I am not holding my breath
It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I cried myself to sleep and then woke up crying for almost two weeks, my wedding is cancelled, I had to take personal leave from work at a job I just started at (fortunately I have the most understanding boss in the world) and I have a very confused little boy who's main concern is "who is gonna love you mommy if *name* does not marry you?". but with it brings a freedom of choice and freedom of autonomy. I now control my life instead of him controlling it thorugh his actions. I have found out how strong I really am. Living with constantly not being sure if you can trust your partner is mentally, emotionally, spirtually, and physically exhausting. And as lonely as it can get some days, I do not regret my choice for one minute. It is better to be single and alone than with someone and alone. Good for you for standing up for yourself and making I'm sure the hardest decision in your life. There is someone out there that will be true to you and love you and YOU will be enough. It may take time but in the end, you'll have it. I wish more people were as strong as you are. I don't even know you and I am so proud of you! Love your child and take care of you and you will find happiness! |
|
|
November 9, 2005, 6:22 am PST
Quote From: katia1975 I am very interested to see this show, mainly because it is something I am dealing with right now. For the last 2 years I have been making excuses for his behavior but this time when I found out he came home, after being out of town, to the locks changed, his stuff packed and gone and me out of his life. I have heard everything I have wanted to hear from him but I have learned that he is good an telling me what I want to hear but not so good in following through with what he says.
I have found our relationship carries much a parellel to the cycle of abuse - things get better (honeymoon period) things start to slide, I catch him with another ad on a dating website, it blows up, it gets better, it starts to slide...well you get the idea. I did not go back this time as I figure if I do all am I telling him is it is okay to treat me this way, because there are no consequences for his actions. But I will not be treated this way, and I do not want my son to think that this is how you treat women. He says he is going to go to counselling. I told him if he completed 6 months and then I got to talk to his therapist about how he is doing and the progress they feel he is making then maybe we can talk about other stuff, but sadly I am not holding my breath
It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I cried myself to sleep and then woke up crying for almost two weeks, my wedding is cancelled, I had to take personal leave from work at a job I just started at (fortunately I have the most understanding boss in the world) and I have a very confused little boy who's main concern is "who is gonna love you mommy if *name* does not marry you?". but with it brings a freedom of choice and freedom of autonomy. I now control my life instead of him controlling it thorugh his actions. I have found out how strong I really am. Living with constantly not being sure if you can trust your partner is mentally, emotionally, spirtually, and physically exhausting. And as lonely as it can get some days, I do not regret my choice for one minute. I too am going through a newly found out about affair. As he was just busted last thursday. I was going through the checkbook looking for a check and found a receipt that had fallen out. Little did I know, that receipt would turn my life upside down. It was a receipt for flowers- a dozen red roses that had been wired to Indiana. We live in Texas and I knew I didn't receive any flowers. He is a truck driver. <---that is really not the problem. I trust when he is working, he is working. but I have been corrected. As I reviewed his bank statement which also seemed to be out in the open, I found out he had purchased a nice meal and a motel room. In the beginning he denied it. But knowing I had the proof, he had no choice but to confess. He stated that this girl---which I knew to be a friend---was depressed and he sent her flowers to boost her esteem. Said it made him "sick" after he sent them....so sick that 4 days later, he stayed in a motel room with her...which he is still trying to deny he stayed there but he admitted he got for her b/c electricity was cut off at her home..yeah right. Oh by the way, she is married too.. So i confronted her as well, and don't be surprised here, she told me "you are crazy, I don't know what you are talking about"....Thus the lies and deceit..Then he tells me later that "she told him a couple of months ago, she is in love with him". I was so mad, that I packed all of his things, placed them in our garage and am awaiting him to come get them. This relationship has been full of abuse-mental and physical, lies, and now cheating. He swears he is in love with me, but how can you be so sure? I think it is the fear of losing everything. He has never had as much as he has now. Thank God that we have no children together and this can be a clean sweep. But after going to church on Sunday, I am confused about what I should do, any comments will be appreciated. thanks |
|
|
March 13, 2006, 3:12 pm PST
Quote From: katia1975 I am very interested to see this show, mainly because it is something I am dealing with right now. For the last 2 years I have been making excuses for his behavior but this time when I found out he came home, after being out of town, to the locks changed, his stuff packed and gone and me out of his life. I have heard everything I have wanted to hear from him but I have learned that he is good an telling me what I want to hear but not so good in following through with what he says.
I have found our relationship carries much a parellel to the cycle of abuse - things get better (honeymoon period) things start to slide, I catch him with another ad on a dating website, it blows up, it gets better, it starts to slide...well you get the idea. I did not go back this time as I figure if I do all am I telling him is it is okay to treat me this way, because there are no consequences for his actions. But I will not be treated this way, and I do not want my son to think that this is how you treat women. He says he is going to go to counselling. I told him if he completed 6 months and then I got to talk to his therapist about how he is doing and the progress they feel he is making then maybe we can talk about other stuff, but sadly I am not holding my breath
It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I cried myself to sleep and then woke up crying for almost two weeks, my wedding is cancelled, I had to take personal leave from work at a job I just started at (fortunately I have the most understanding boss in the world) and I have a very confused little boy who's main concern is "who is gonna love you mommy if *name* does not marry you?". but with it brings a freedom of choice and freedom of autonomy. I now control my life instead of him controlling it thorugh his actions. I have found out how strong I really am. Living with constantly not being sure if you can trust your partner is mentally, emotionally, spirtually, and physically exhausting. And as lonely as it can get some days, I do not regret my choice for one minute. I was married over 12 years to a cheating husband. I listened to his lies and believed him. I realized that I was better off without him. Not only did he cheat, but he was verbally and physically abusive to me....and the worst part? My children saw it all. I am grateful that I never got a disease from him. And now, away from him for over 1 1/2 years, I am happy without him. My kids are happier and healthier, and I am dating a great guy who doesnt treat me horribly. I think Danielle is selfish. I know I dont know her, but some of her comes across on tv. I saw the same look in her eyes I saw with my ex....and she has this look as if she didnt care and was there to flaunt what she did. I am not saying Chris is perfect...but she was well aware of what she was doing to him, and well aware she was in the wrong. |
|
|
March 14, 2006, 12:57 pm PST
Quote From: katia1975 I am very interested to see this show, mainly because it is something I am dealing with right now. For the last 2 years I have been making excuses for his behavior but this time when I found out he came home, after being out of town, to the locks changed, his stuff packed and gone and me out of his life. I have heard everything I have wanted to hear from him but I have learned that he is good an telling me what I want to hear but not so good in following through with what he says.
I have found our relationship carries much a parellel to the cycle of abuse - things get better (honeymoon period) things start to slide, I catch him with another ad on a dating website, it blows up, it gets better, it starts to slide...well you get the idea. I did not go back this time as I figure if I do all am I telling him is it is okay to treat me this way, because there are no consequences for his actions. But I will not be treated this way, and I do not want my son to think that this is how you treat women. He says he is going to go to counselling. I told him if he completed 6 months and then I got to talk to his therapist about how he is doing and the progress they feel he is making then maybe we can talk about other stuff, but sadly I am not holding my breath
It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I cried myself to sleep and then woke up crying for almost two weeks, my wedding is cancelled, I had to take personal leave from work at a job I just started at (fortunately I have the most understanding boss in the world) and I have a very confused little boy who's main concern is "who is gonna love you mommy if *name* does not marry you?". but with it brings a freedom of choice and freedom of autonomy. I now control my life instead of him controlling it thorugh his actions. I have found out how strong I really am. Living with constantly not being sure if you can trust your partner is mentally, emotionally, spirtually, and physically exhausting. And as lonely as it can get some days, I do not regret my choice for one minute. good for you, I've been there and done the same thing. There is freedom in demanding respect. I'm so proud of you for taking a stance. Hang in there, the pain won't be there forever. Cheers! |
|
Return to the Message Board