Replies to 'We Disagree On Punishment'
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February 14, 2006, 8:38 pm PST
 Quote From: catfish05 My question is how do I get my husband to listen and understand my views on this. I love him and don't want to leave but he is always right on disiplining our daughter. He has been a teacher for many years. so he says he has seen what happens to kids depending on the way they was raised, but I just think he goes over board. I mean for lying and getting bad grades the disapline is selling all of her show animals, grounded, and she has to do school work after school until bed time and if she does not do in an hour what he thinks she was suppose to she gets a spanking. Last night she got 3 spankings for not getting done what he thought she should have done. She told him she was going to be a vet. when she grew up. He said yah right with these kind of grades you are going to be a dump truck driver. I don't think he does her any good telling her things like that. I told her she can be one she just has to try hard to get good grades. But he calls her special ed, stupid, retard. things like that I do not feel this is good for her. I am not saying she is always doing what is right or good. I just think this is hurting her more than helping her. I have talked to him about this over and over again but it doesn't help. I am 3 months pregnant and do not want to leave. just want him to stop this. How do I make him understand? She has already told me this week she wants to move out. Help please. I'm really sorry to be the one to say this and I really mean that but someone has to put it right out there for you. Your husband as much as you love him is HURTING your child. That IS Abuse!! and you are letting it happen... I am NOT tyring to attack you or anything like that at all. I feel for you badly: the confusion of dealing with it all. You love your children more than ANYBODY else. They come first. I dont understand how your husband feels that his punishment is even justifiable. I mean a YEAR. thats way overboard. 3 spankings in one night (It doesn't matter what the reason) is just cause, definately, for her to end up hating him as well she may feel resentment towards you for allowing this to happen. He sold her animals, those are living breathing things that she herself helped raise and now they're gone. As Punishment??? He's taking away any sort of independence or freedom of thought and feeling away from her, along with making her feel useless and no good. Worst case scenario: If you dont stop this from happening at some point someone else may and you may not have any control over it. You could lose her for this, I'm not sure you realize that. You would never ever forgive yourself. Lying and bad grades come out of more kids than not at points nowadays and I will say that most kids arent dealt with properly as a result but this is too much. Please I know you have put yourself in her shoes before and I know you feel guilty sometimes too and even though you feel there's no talking to him and you're expecting so you dont want to leave maybe you should give him a big scare(if you haven't already)..Let him know that you will not tolerate this behaviour from him anymore It sounds to me like his behaviour as an adult with parental responsibilities is worse than your daughter's as a child. There are much better and more rewarding ways to deal with this problem. REMEMBER THIS: ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN A MOMENTS TIME, WHEN YOU ARE LEAST EXPECTING IT, GOD FORBID ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN, BUT IF YOU GO ON LETTING THIS HAPPEN IT MAY BE TOO LATE TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHANGES FOR HER. She obviously cant express herslf in the house or at least around him so someone's gotta do it for her and you are that person. Please do something, if you cant talk to him about discipline issues regarding your own daughter than how much does he truly respect you? or your daughter? Is it really meant to be I know you want it to be, but is it really? You've got another ball of joy on the way you dont want the cycle to continue. I feel for you really and you are not to blame. Hes the one with the control now you just have to try to regain some of it thats all. You need courage, strength and determination. Its time to put your foot down girl and you can if you stick to it. If he decides he doesnt want to stay as a result, you are going to hurt but at least your daughter wont have to anymore and she will be living a lot happier as a result. Like I said before I'm sorry to be the one to say it but I was floored when I read your story. Take care of yourself and your daughter. If you need to talk to someone with similar experiences look me up, I'm right here. Sounds like you need all the support you can get right now Sincerely, Tanya |
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