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Replies to 'I Want to Adopt'
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November 7, 2005, 2:51 pm PST
 Quote From: kjlbvl I have a hard time understanding people that throw being adopted in someone's face. I can't stand when people say, "I am adopted." I wish they would say, "I was adopted." Adoption is the way a child comes into a family. To me it makes no difference if a baby was placed in a family by natural birth or adoption, it is just the way they found their family. Adoption can be a beautiful thing. I know many a biological children that have rebelled against their parents and gone off the depend, but for some reason when a child rebels that was adopted, everyone says, "Well, you know, he was adopted." Give me a break! It has nothing to do with it. I know many friends and children that had been adopted that do not have the desire to meet their birthparents because they feel they already have parents. Did you know that only 10% of children that had been adopted want to meet their birthparents? We only see the stories on TV because they are different than the norm. Anyway, my point is that we have two girls, one by natural birth and the other through adoption. I know that people that have not gone through it themselves have a hard time understanding, but there is absolutely no difference in our minds between the two. They just came into our family two different ways. There spirits were meant to be in our home. We are so blessed to have them apart of our lives. I could never pick one over the other and it drives me crazy when there is a difference in other people's minds between the two. The adoption process, in my experience, has been nothing but a wonderful miracle. i really never looked at it this way-"I WAS adopted" instead of "I am adopted"...interesting. and thank you for the enlightenment. it's awesome that you treat the children as they should be. good job
have fun parenting! |
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November 18, 2005, 7:33 pm PST
Quote From: kjlbvl I have a hard time understanding people that throw being adopted in someone's face. I can't stand when people say, "I am adopted." I wish they would say, "I was adopted." Adoption is the way a child comes into a family. To me it makes no difference if a baby was placed in a family by natural birth or adoption, it is just the way they found their family. Adoption can be a beautiful thing. I know many a biological children that have rebelled against their parents and gone off the depend, but for some reason when a child rebels that was adopted, everyone says, "Well, you know, he was adopted." Give me a break! It has nothing to do with it. I know many friends and children that had been adopted that do not have the desire to meet their birthparents because they feel they already have parents. Did you know that only 10% of children that had been adopted want to meet their birthparents? We only see the stories on TV because they are different than the norm. Anyway, my point is that we have two girls, one by natural birth and the other through adoption. I know that people that have not gone through it themselves have a hard time understanding, but there is absolutely no difference in our minds between the two. They just came into our family two different ways. There spirits were meant to be in our home. We are so blessed to have them apart of our lives. I could never pick one over the other and it drives me crazy when there is a difference in other people's minds between the two. The adoption process, in my experience, has been nothing but a wonderful miracle. You sound like a great person, who wants the best for her kids. As such, I hope you will read and seriously consider what I am about to say. I "am" adopted. I "was" adopted, and I still am. Being adopted is a part of me, just as it is a part of every adoptee. No amount of love can ever change that. There is a HUGE difference between an adopted child and a biological child, and successful adoptive parents are the ones who realize, acknowledge, and accept this difference. There is also a difference between LOVING your children the same, and TREATING them the same. Your adopted daughter suffered a loss. She may not remember it, but it still exists. I was almost 3 months old when I was adopted, so I have no memory. But, I was a very sensitive child (I still am very sensitive), and despite the incredible bond I had with my mom, I was often very nervous and insecure. My mom is somewhat of an expert on adoption (due to her seeking out as much information on adoption and adoption loss as she could find), and she always understood this loss. As a result, she was able to help me to deal with my loss, and helped me to become a healthy child and adult. It's true that any child can rebel, but adoptive parents often unknowingly push their child away because the child feels like an outsider, like they don't belong, or like they can't talk to their parents about their true feelings. Adoptees are told to be grateful and forget their natural families, so when they feel differently, it's very difficult for them to express these feelings. They often end up acting out instead, or they become withdrawn and depressed. Some are able to put up a front and can seem quite content, but deep inside is a turmoil that can explode years down the road. I must know over a hundred adoptees, in real life and on the internet, and only a small handful of them don't want to find their natural families. I would say less than 5%. Whether or not they would tell their adoptive parents this is a whole other issue. There is so much guilt involved in searching. I know many adoptees who have waited until their adoptive parents have passed away before searching, even though they have wanted to search since they were children. It's so sad! My mom always understood my desire to meet my natural family, and encouraged me to search. She has been very involved in my reunion, and is considered a part of my natural family, just as my natural family is a part of hers. This has allowed me to express my feelings, and remain close with her as I discover my natural family as well. I would say this to anyone wanting to adopt 1) adoption is not a cure for infertility; it's a way to provide a child with a home when they don't have one to go to 2) it's natural for an adoptee to want to be reunited with their natural family, and this should be encouraged and supported 3) an adopted child is NOT the same as a biological child; they can be LOVED the same, but should not be TREATED the same, because they have suffered a loss and have unique issues. I hope you will consider this, for the sake of your daughter and your relationship with her. |
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