Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'

Quote From: lisa12

Hello everyone! I would like to read your opinions on a certain issue. Husbands son met a woman with two children from a previous relationship. I had many reservations about this relationship because his son is not mature or responsible. He lives his life as an adult with a 15 year old mentality. It has proved to be a bad combination. Jail, drugs, rehab, bad credit, etc. So I voiced my concern to my husband, fearing the worst for this woman's children. My husband has a very "live and let live" attitude, and basically felt that it wasn't our business to intervene. This relationship was problematic from the beginning and my husband and I were involved much to my distress. Late night phone calls, fights that resulted in arrests, accusations, and so forth. I had the opportunity to talk to this women privately, and with out revealing too much( respecting my husbands wishes to remain uninvolved) suggested that she " think about her children". This relationship was in a downward spiral and in the course of its destruction, the woman got pregnant. Initially, my step-son acknowledged the pregnancy, went to Dr. appointments and seemed to want the relationship to work. Until he met another woman with two children from a previous relationship. Suddenly, the ex- girlfriend was a lying, manipulative, bitch, who got pregnant on purpose, and it wasn't even his baby. She is trying to have him served with a court order to appear for a paternity action,  he has left ( running ) with the new girl-friend. SOOOOOOOOO............my opinion is this: the ex may be a woman of deplorable character, but I feel that they both had consensual sex knowing the consequences. They both knew the other well enough and knew the type of person they were dealing with ( the problems in their relationship being a factor). I think that it is unfortunate that they brought a baby into the world under the circumstances, and I think it is a sad situation. I think that the relationship between them, what happened between them, and what they did, is irrelevant at this point. What is done is done, and like it or not my step-son has a responsibility to this baby.  This baby has a right to  be acknowledged, loved and supported by this family. I guess the bigger issue here is my husband. He believes that this woman is horrible for getting pregnant and actually having the baby under the circumstances. He feels sorry for his son, and thinks that his son will never have the opportunity to straighten his life out. That this woman wants to make his son's life hell, and it isn't fair. He speaks unkindly about this woman, but not his son. He will not acknowledge the baby ( may not even be his grandchild) and says he wouldn't have anything to do with it if it were because of her ( the mom). I am having a difficult time respecting my husbands feelings on this. I try to understand and imagine if i would feel his way if it were my son. Some how I don't think my feeling would change. Wrong is wrong. This is not really affecting my relationship with my husband, or so I tell myself, but I worry that on some level it is. That maybe it just isn't obvious right now.