Replies to '03/13 Infidelity Aftermath'

I have had a really hard time getting over the affair my husband had.  I found out about it 8 months ago and I am no better now than I was then.  I also told myself that if ever any man treated me like this I would just leave, but it is harder than you think... We have 3 children and I don't want  to hurt them.  He has gone to therapy and has tried to make things better and I think he is truly sorry for what he did. It is  extremely hard for me to leave because I feel like our 17 year marriage and our beautiful children are worth a shot at holding this marriage together.  I say this,  but its all so very hard.  I feel just as betrayed today as I did the day I found out.  I am totally devastated that a person who claims to love me could ever want  to cause me this much pain.  I am so angry because I don't understand why??? Why do you jeapordize everything? Why do you forfeit your children? How do you lie and cheat to someone that has taken care of you when you were sick that has birthed your children, how do you go out and hurt them so badly?? I don't understand.  I feel ugly now and I feel like he puts us on the same level as this women, this women has come to my home and has cused me and my kids as if we did something to her.  I have never spoken to this women and I don't care to. We have had to have her arrested. We have had to get a restraining order against her.  I don't understand how he chose to spend OUR time with a person who has no morals and no values and who could harm us.?  Why would he think that she was worth more than his wife and children?? I'm so mixed up and I stay angry and I truly believe I would have done better had I left , but it is extremely hard especially when you are being begged to stay and you want your children to be happy, I feel like they are worth everything I have, funny how he didn't feel that. This woman is dirt on the bottom of my families shoes, how could he have ever put her first.  I don't think I will ever understand.  I do know that it is something that I could never do to person.  It is not in me to purposely and knowingly hurt and betray another person, and I guess thats the part I don't get, what kind of person does this?  He has also destroyed my self esteem, I have seen this women and I do not feel like she is attractive at all, in fact I think she is ugly, so does he think she looks better than me and then that makes me feel worse cause she is ugly and I never thought I was.  This situation is something I would never wish upon another person, it is awful!!!! Forgive the typing errors!!!