Replies to 'Single Parenting'

First let me start by saying that taking away the internet for a little while is a good solution, provided that you follow a few basic rules of punishment/reward. One, you set a specific time for how long you have taken away the internet. Second, that you really clearly explain why you took it away. Also, if you haven't already done so, place the computer in a shared, common place like the kitchen so that anyone can see what is going on.  

As far as getting them to pick up, you might just have to suck it up and have a messy house for a little bit. If you tell them to pick up their toys and sort their laundry and you end up doing it for them, all you are teaching them is that if they don't listen to you, you'll do it for them anyway. You need to stop reinforcing that idea that they can get you to do things for them by ignoring the problem long enough. Also, if you haven't already done so, show them specifically what you want them to do when you ask them to pick up their toys or sort their laundry 

The picky eater... let her starve. And I don't mean that in an abusive way... what I mean is that you should make food you know she has been willing to eat in the past, and if she doesn't eat it then don't give her anything else to eat. She'll get hungry, and when she does, she'll eat what ever you cooked her. I'm not saying to withhold food. But what I am saying is to make available ONLY the foods which you feel are appropriate... it's like letting a child go outside in the winter with out a jacket, they learn real fast that they need one! 

The little one... I have a few good tricks for her :-) A 3 year old is developmentally old enough to feel embarrassment/shame.  If these tantrums are happening in public go right ahead and have a tantrum with her! Get on the ground and go to town with the screaming and whining. You might feel silly, but imagine how stupid your kid will think you look and how embarrassing that will be. Another useful thing that many parents try, but seldom to correctly is Time Out. There are a couple key things that need to happen for time out to be effective.  

1) It needs to be issued immediately.  

2) The child should be sent somewhere 100% free of ANYTHING that might be rewarding. "Go to your room" is a horrible option. Unless the bedroom is a stark white room with nothing but a bed, there is bound to be something rewarding in here. Rather, send them to the corner of a room where there is nothing rewarding.  

3) Time out should be short. And by short I mean less than 30 seconds. Once I heard some guideline like 10 seconds, plus 2 more for each year. So in your 3 year old's case, about 16 seconds. Many learning theorist feel that in order to make an association, the reinforcement must happen with in 1-5 seconds. If you remove the possibility for any reinforcement for 20 than there will be no association made.  

4) After time out is over explain to them, very clearly, "______ is what you did. That is not acceptable, and because of that, you got a time out."  

Just a few more basics about punishment/reward. First, when possible use a reward rather than a punishment. "If you behave/do ________, then you will get _______."  IF you have to punish, keep in mind that taking away stuff is usually better than adding something (more tasks, or spanking). Also, not only with time out but all punishment, it needs to be immediate... that classic line "wait until your father gets home," is a really bad idea because by that point there won't be any connection between what they did that was wrong and the punishment. And finally, always explain why.