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Replies to 'The Meaning of "Family"'
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November 10, 2005, 5:47 am PST
 Quote From: maritimer recently my ex husband of 9 years has been involved with a girl that he is quite serious with, whick in fact is great that he has finally found someone, the problem is that ever since he has been with this girl he has put the kids on the back burner so to speak, whick again I can understand him going out a little more so it would be natural that he would want time with his new love. The problem is my ex husband is 40 and his new girlfriend is 22 my olderst daughter who is 15 is having a hard time with this, she say that the new girlfriend gives her attitude??? I'm also sure that my daughter is also giving attitude... she blames the new girlfriend for her father not call of coming to pick them up, it has been 5 months and they only live 30 minutes apart, he has call 3 time in the past 5 months to try to convince my daughter that his new girlfriend is nice and really mature for her age. I have told my ex that he need to make time for his girls and not rush the relationship between his girlfriend and his kids..he just says that he told his olderst daughter that he loves her and that she is welcome to go to his house when ever she wants and that he would love to have her and also told her that he would not be calling anymore, that she could call him when she was ready,, this in my books is not right I feel that he should be trying to fix this he is supposed to be the adult, if he is going to wait for a 15 year old to call he is sadly mistaken, she now thinks that he really is a loser...is she right...I listen and encourage her to talk but she get's mad at me when I don't agree with her when she is putting down her father, I don't want to feed her anger in any way. what do I do??? now my youngest daughter is 11 and she is happy go luck like's the new girlfriend they were taking her this past summer almost every weekened everything was good, until he stopped taking her he has seen he 1 night in the past 8 weeks every weekened he say that he working on a job or he has wood that he has to bring in he alway's has something to do. But of course to a 11 year old all she hears is no you can't come out, she now cry's at night asking if her father still loves her she is very confused. I talked to him on the phone tonight and asked him why he is doing this he thinks that everything is ok, I have told him how it was affecting the kids and he say nothing except he is busy. I told him that all parents work but to not even call his kids, his reply is well they can call me why don't they call me...I really can't seem to get throug to him I don't no what to do, my youngest cry's on the phone with her father to please take her and he still says no next weekened lately it's always next weekened.... Now you have to understand that my ex would move heaven and earth for his girls before he got involved with a much younger girl..is this girl maby standing in the way ?? I would think that my ex would tell any girl to get lost if he felt that this was happening, my ex is everybody friend the kind of guy that would do anything for you, he in my eyes he is a wonderful father until lately... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP THANKS TO ANYONE WHO GIVES ANY SUGGESTIONS Your ex doesn't acknowledge that there is a problem and I am sure that it is very frustrating for you. This situation probably upsets you more than it does your daughters. Not that it doesn't upset them, just that as their mother, it breaks your heart. You can only do so much. It is not your responsibility to maintain their relationship with their father. All you can do is focus on your relationship with them. I would suggest counseling for them and possibly yourself as well. I understand your feeling of responsibility to the girls and the desire to intervene on their behalf, but maybe it is too soon for you and your ex to work together- apart. Your ex was the one you depended on to help raise the girls, the one you discussed the girls with- and rightly so. It is unfortunate that divorce of the marriage is accompanied with divorce of the children also. It is different for all of you and learning to function as a family after the changes are always difficult. Maybe it will just take a little time for all of you to adjust and establish a new way of relating and problem solving. |
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