Replies to 'Body Image & Sex Appeal'

So you gained a little weight, why should it impact him NOT to find  you desirable anymore? Are you not the same person that he fell in love with? Unless your personality has completley turned in the opposite direction, who the hell does he think he is?  

Why is it that if woman gain weight, oh- it's horrible.  But I'm sorry, you see overweight men with these such high expectations of their partners, yet we are suppose to love them, faults and all.  WEIGHT comes off.  It's not something that should disconnect you from one another and I'm sorry, but if you're fiance' is that shallow and is withdrawing from you due to a little weight gain-- he's def. not someone I would trust myself with.  Who's do know that if you guys get married and you have children (if you don't already)- that if you gain weight then..  how do you know he's going to be standing by you, thick or thin (no pun intended there).  Seriously, .... since when is making love based on WEIGHT? ....  Can you not put on a sexy nighty, fill the room with candles, and seduce him the same way now as you did before you gained the weight? Of course you can..... you can STILL be a sexy woman after gaining weight and the fact that he thinks you're not is HIS LOSE!!!! 

When you don't feel secure in your own skin, it does, in my opinion, weigh on a relationship.  I'm at the lowest point in my life right now due to my faince's porn addiction, and I'm sure he's sick of me "feeling sorry for myself" and "compareing myself to his PORN woman and the woman he stares at on the street).  The flip side to my situation is that with ANY OTHER MAN OUT THERE..  I know that I would feel sexy and could let my gaurd down and seduce them like there is no tommorow.  Not that I *would* mind you, but men give me so much attention and I love it.  The problem with my self esteem isn't how I think other people view me, it's how my own fiance' who I've been with for 8 years views me and how he needs to fantize about other woman in order to make love to me.   We've had almost a non-existent sex life in the last year---  we have went from 5+ times a week, to (maybe) once every 1.5-2wk, and that's simply because we both feel the urge.  I'm so disconnected from him, that I'm simply doing it for the foreplay itself because once we engage in sex- my emtions take over and all I do is think about which one of those images he's thinking about right then.  He doesn't have sex with me becase of me, it's becasue he's so worked up about the images in his head, he just needs "my" body to play out the fantisy.  I refuse to let him see me naked now-- he's made me feel like I'm not good enough or he would have never do the things that he has done.  I have completley closed myself up to him sexually.  he doesn't deserve my body, or any sexual attention to me.  He had me anytime he ever wanted me and he knew that.  But yet he still choose to do the things that he did and now, it's his lost.  I'm  not "with holding" sex from him- I just don't enjoy it now and I have to many emotions that make their mark so sex to me isn't enjoyable for me anymore.   

Ok, sorry to get off on a tangit about myself.  I'm just really hurt right now and I don't have a sounding board to get it off my chest.  i NEED to find a theorpist to talk to, but after looking in the phone book and online- no one seems to "fit" what I'm looking for as far as the problems that I'm facing.  

Bottom line:  If you aren't happy with your body right now, I would try to make a change. Have you ever done the low carb thing? It's a great way to lose weight fast- but it's not something that I would reccommend long term.  Eating healthy (smaller portions, more often) and EXERCISE will show you amazing results.   

hang in there-- and I would think twice about spending the rest of my life with this person if he's this shallow about your outter appearance after only 2 years.  What happens when you're 15 years into this relationship--  ....... just some food for thought.