Replies to '03/13 Infidelity Aftermath'

I have been with my husband for 11 years and I've had 3 emotional affairs in that time. I can honestly say that they had nothing to with my husband and everything to do with how I felt about myself. I hated myself I felt that I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough or thin enough. I thought it was great that other men found me attractive and smart. I justified it by thinking that he should have paid more attention to me, but after dealing with it together I realized that it was how I felt that made all of the difference. It has been over three years since the last time it happened. I know that it will never happen again because I am happy with who I am and my relationship with my husband. We talk more, laugh more, enjoy each other's company and have a great sex life. I wish I had never turned away from him when I was feeling so bad but I can't change that so now I turn toward him when I'm feeling low. I love my husband and I would never risk our family again. It has been hard for him to trust me and I know the hurt has never gone away because he still mentions it once in awhile. Now I'm an open book with him and I know that helps him. I know I would stay with my husband if it was the other way around because he is my husband and the father of my children and I know we could work through it. I would definitely have trust issues with him and it would rock me to the core but we would survive. (Just like we have.)

I had an emotional and sexual affair behind my wonderful husband's back almost three years ago and it haunts me everyday. I wish I had never met the other man because it has caused so much pain. My husband knows about the emotional affair (he found out; I didn't tell him) but he doesn't know about the sexual component. I feel it was my own flaws that caused this, so I should have to live with the guilt. I still have feelings for the other guy, so I avoid him and every day is a struggle. I am like an alcoholic trying to not walk into a bar. My message to all is that adulterers CAN change if they want to bad enough. You just have to really WANT to, and work at it every day.