Replies to 'Foster Parenting'
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December 15, 2005, 4:35 pm PST
 Quote From: terri7532 Back in October CPS took away my niece's 2 kids (boy 3 1/2 and girl 1 1/2). My husband and I offered to take them into our home. We have only been married since September and had started trying for a family of our own, but may have to put that off. We will have the kids for at least a year according to CPS. Then after a year if my niece doesn't do what she is suppose to, her rights will be terminated.
The kids were taken away because of my niece's drug lifestyle and the condition of the house where she lives. The kids seem to be in fairly good health, but have never really been to the doctor. They are both a handful. Neither of them will listen and have screaming fits that are uncontrollable. He is 3 1/2 and still not potty trained. I am 30 years old and have basic knowledge about how to raise a child, but no actual experience. According to CPS, we are not to physically discipline the children at all. We can sit them in time out, but no spanking.
My husband and I are both at our wits end and don't know how to control these children. It has only been 3 1/2 weeks, but they are not getting any better and their Mother is not doing anything on her part to fix what is wrong so she can get them back. This makes me think that she really doesn't care and it may come down to where she loses her rights to them and they will be adopted out to someone. I want to say that my husband and I will be the ones to adopt them, but what if they don't get any better and we can't control them. Also, we can barely afford having them 2 and we want kids of our own. I feel horrible for saying that, but I just don't know what to do. I don't mind taking care of them, but I don't feel like I am helping. Yes, I give them food and a place to sleep, but I feel there is something else they are needing and that is why they act the way they do and I don't know what that is. Most people say it is because of the situation, but they acted like this before CPS took them away. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you. Boy do I understand where you are coming from. My kids came to me at 3, 4,5,7,8,12 and they were actually like you described...........out of control. NO boundaries!!!!! I could go onnnnnnn! Guess what we Christians who believe in GODS word.......which states spare the rod spoil the child. Correcting your child only on the bottom with love is not hitting..........but GOD also sent us our now 9 year old. Then our now 2 ,4,6,9,9,11,13. I'm like ok GOD we signed a piece a paper that we wouldn't spank knowing we just wanted to adopt and love a innocent child.........give us the strength to deal with our children. We do not like time out. We take privileges away. Believe me I take full advantage of NO priviveges if they CHOOSEEEEEEE to be out right disobediant. My kids were pistols at first...... I call it , Great kids making bad choices because of bad parenting. Girllllll you have a BIG decision to make. But my friend Iwouldn't trade it for nothing!!!!! My kids have grown leaps and bounds mentally. They Aalllll are so well worth it! Hang in there my friend! Oh yes.....birthmom sounds like she's not trying to get her children back sadly so guess what they will ask you and because you are family I doubt you'll get a subsidy. Which I think should be change I think it is less expensive then forever fostercare etc. Keep us in posted! |
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February 6, 2006, 7:14 pm PST
Quote From: terri7532 Back in October CPS took away my niece's 2 kids (boy 3 1/2 and girl 1 1/2). My husband and I offered to take them into our home. We have only been married since September and had started trying for a family of our own, but may have to put that off. We will have the kids for at least a year according to CPS. Then after a year if my niece doesn't do what she is suppose to, her rights will be terminated.
The kids were taken away because of my niece's drug lifestyle and the condition of the house where she lives. The kids seem to be in fairly good health, but have never really been to the doctor. They are both a handful. Neither of them will listen and have screaming fits that are uncontrollable. He is 3 1/2 and still not potty trained. I am 30 years old and have basic knowledge about how to raise a child, but no actual experience. According to CPS, we are not to physically discipline the children at all. We can sit them in time out, but no spanking.
My husband and I are both at our wits end and don't know how to control these children. It has only been 3 1/2 weeks, but they are not getting any better and their Mother is not doing anything on her part to fix what is wrong so she can get them back. This makes me think that she really doesn't care and it may come down to where she loses her rights to them and they will be adopted out to someone. I want to say that my husband and I will be the ones to adopt them, but what if they don't get any better and we can't control them. Also, we can barely afford having them 2 and we want kids of our own. I feel horrible for saying that, but I just don't know what to do. I don't mind taking care of them, but I don't feel like I am helping. Yes, I give them food and a place to sleep, but I feel there is something else they are needing and that is why they act the way they do and I don't know what that is. Most people say it is because of the situation, but they acted like this before CPS took them away. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you. i was a foster child and i now have 3 kids 2 are my step kids when i first meet them they were totally out of control, with time understanding and love they have become the most lovely kids, you could try spending more one on one time with them so they feel they can trust you, if they can trust they will respond better to you, i know its hard when there is more than one child but it does help, you could also try sitting with them and having family disscusions where nobody is allowed to yell or interupt when some one is talking, you can disscus topics such as what is right behaviour and what is wrong behaviour, i know it sounds silly but if you use examples they can understand then they will catch on, for example you could ask them if its right or wrong to hit and let them answer then ask them why its wrong, sticker charts are also good for encouraging good behaviour especially for younger children just dont take off stickers for bad behaviour or they may decide its not worth it, you can reward them when they finish each chart by having a family day out. stick with the time out as it does work putting them in a corner where there is nothing to do usually works faster than putting them in their rooms as they usually end up playing around rather than thinking about it. try to learn the warning signs before they go into a fit that way you can distract them from whatever is upsetting them, after placing them in time it helps to talk to them about what it was that upset them, which will help you learn their warning signs, you could try having nice play where you do something fun with them such as playdough where if one of them starts to play up you put them in time out and focuse all your attention on the one who is behaving that way they learn the bad behaviour doesnt get a response, wheres the good behaviuor does, and when they are being good it helps to tell them how good they are being and tell them how proud of them you are for their good behavoiur this usually works well as kids love to hear how good they are. |
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