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Replies to 'Abuse'
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August 3, 2005, 9:52 am PDT
 Quote From: gaktstoner last night, my son had hockey and my daughter had cheerleading, both at the same time. They both said to me that they didn't want their dad taking them home. I called a friend that has a daughter whom cheers and asked her to take and pick up my daughter from cheer so I would take my son to hockey then get my daughter after all the practices at her house. Everyone was fine with this except................my h! He phoned me while I was in the car in between dropping my d off and getting my son to practice. He wanted to know which child to pick up, i said neither it was covered and he hung up on me. He showed up at the ice rink and was very hostile to me. He said I had NO RIGHT to do what i did the night before and i also had no right to make arrangements for someone else to pick up his daughter without asking him first! I said that i did have that right and i am sorry he feels that way and tried to walk away from him. He kept at me at said he was going to go get his d. i told him it was not a good idea and he would cause a scene bc she is expecting to go home with friends and doesn't want to go with him. I called my lawyer and left a message about what transpired and i called my friend to let her know. My friend told the head cheer and head football coaches about what was up. They were prepared to call the police bc i signed the forms and i gave permission for my friend to take my d home. My son came off the ice early bc of an injury so we were able to go to cheer early and get my d. But h followed and he parked beside me and walked onto the field with me and our son. he stood by me like i couldn't get 5 feet away from him. then i brought both kids home and he followed us home. I AM SCARED OF HIS BULLYING! I am going to call everyone again today and let them know how bizarre he is. thanks again for listening to me... oh i called dv yesterday to check in and there is a support group that meets thursday nights. If I can find some fiends to take my kids that night and I'll go!!! First let me say I hope your son wasn't too hurt from practice. Sending healing wishes his way.
You had EVERY RIGHT to PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN from his OUTRAGEOUS OUTBURSTS!
EVERY RIGHT! Do NOT listen to him. Glad you didn't.
There is NOTHING more powerful than a mother protecting her babies.
BRAVO on trying to get more support. I absolutely believe you need MORE support. Sometimes support groups will have sitters to watch the kids. So if you get the chance to go, ask about that.
He IS a bully -- that's a fact.
But remember that deep-down bully's function from a place a FEAR. While you are afraid of his abuse, he is also afraid of losing his kids and so he is intensifying his aggression to you in line. The best thing you can do is... do what YOU FEEL is the right thing for your children.
Do NOT be afraid to call the police if you get really scared. Everytime I had to call them, like when my Ex showed up at our house DRUNK and terrorized my sitter -- even though I had an order of protection, they were VERY understanding and helpful. It might also be a good idea to work out a safety word with friends/family so that they know to call the police for you and/or work out ahead of time for a short term place to stay if you get so scared you can't stay in the home. If you do that, go ahead and a pack an overnight bag just in case. Better to have a plan to fall back on than none.
I think you have handled this whole situation MARVELOUSLY! You held firm on your boundaries and removed yourself from the conversation as much as you possibly could-- BRAVO!!!
So you know... legally the police could not have kept the kids' Dad from picking up his children. So the sooner you guys get a visitation agreement the sooner all this mess will ease. I know you are probably counting the days before this mess gets over with.
I don't know how long y'all's cheer/sports practices are but I would not hesitate to ask friends/family to pitch in with picking up your son/daughter until your hearing. It makes perfect sense to keep the kids away from any scenes hubby may cause. The worst that can happen is they say No -- odds are that won't happen.
I am here to listen ANYTIME -- oh, and before I forget, click on my qqqhhh link and jot down my email addy so you have it. I generally read email about every other day since we can't read it at work anymore but I DO read it and I WILL respond.
Deep breaths, take it a day, hour, minute at a time. Q
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