Replies to '06/01 "My Kid's a Star"'
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November 16, 2005, 1:32 pm PST
 Quote From: divableu21 It seems unfair for you to say back off to this person. I don't really think they're attacking your friend. It was a general comment. There are SOME children who are absolutely miserable doing what their parents push them to do, and I do know that firsthand. I was a competitive tap dancer for 18 years, and I am a dance teacher now, and some of my kids (I call my students my kids :-) ) will actually come up to me and tell me that they like to dance, but don't want to do it competitively, but they can't tell their parents that because the parents would have a fit. Competitive dancing is really tough on kids, and even tougher if your heart isn't in it. Parents will be angry at me for not putting their little "Star" in the solo role or for not putting them in the front row, even if the child really shouldn't be there. The parents could care less if the kid actually likes to dance, or is even good, they just want their child to be the star of the show, and that is unfair. My youngest competitors are 7 years old, and there is one girl who literally comes to me crying every day the week before a competition and tells me how much she wants to play soccer, but her mom won't let her. Her mother was a dancer as well, and wants her daughter to do the same thing, and be better than she was. Her mother didn't get to compete very much and is openly bitter about that fact. I always tell her to let her mom know that she likes to dance, but doesn't want to do it 5 days a week, and would like to play soccer with her friends. She tells me that her mother absolutely won't allow that because "Mom knows best". It's really a shame to watch, and it breaks my heart. I wanted to dance, and my mom told me that whenever I wanted to stop, I could. It turns out that I love tap dancing, so I pushed myself. My mother always supported me, never pushed me. There is a difference between supporting your child's dreams, and pushing your own. funyuns,
To me the issue isn't the pageant life, it's the pushy parent. Children should get punished for misbehaving. Pageant's are a hobbie like sports. They only thing a parent should be saying is "go out there and have fun". They should just let her enjoy and get off her back. If she hit's someone or acts like a total brat while competing then she may deserve punishment but while competing she's going to do the best she can do, obviously, IF she truly enjoys what she's doing. Her parent's asked Dr. Phil's advice as to if they were to hard on her but they were so hard headed they weren't listening to a word he was saying. They were totally getting on my nerves. |
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June 1, 2006, 8:22 pm PDT
Quote From: divableu21 It seems unfair for you to say back off to this person. I don't really think they're attacking your friend. It was a general comment. There are SOME children who are absolutely miserable doing what their parents push them to do, and I do know that firsthand. I was a competitive tap dancer for 18 years, and I am a dance teacher now, and some of my kids (I call my students my kids :-) ) will actually come up to me and tell me that they like to dance, but don't want to do it competitively, but they can't tell their parents that because the parents would have a fit. Competitive dancing is really tough on kids, and even tougher if your heart isn't in it. Parents will be angry at me for not putting their little "Star" in the solo role or for not putting them in the front row, even if the child really shouldn't be there. The parents could care less if the kid actually likes to dance, or is even good, they just want their child to be the star of the show, and that is unfair. My youngest competitors are 7 years old, and there is one girl who literally comes to me crying every day the week before a competition and tells me how much she wants to play soccer, but her mom won't let her. Her mother was a dancer as well, and wants her daughter to do the same thing, and be better than she was. Her mother didn't get to compete very much and is openly bitter about that fact. I always tell her to let her mom know that she likes to dance, but doesn't want to do it 5 days a week, and would like to play soccer with her friends. She tells me that her mother absolutely won't allow that because "Mom knows best". It's really a shame to watch, and it breaks my heart. I wanted to dance, and my mom told me that whenever I wanted to stop, I could. It turns out that I love tap dancing, so I pushed myself. My mother always supported me, never pushed me. There is a difference between supporting your child's dreams, and pushing your own. I understand the protective instinct of a friend, and it is a wonderful thing. However, what if you're wrong. What if you are not aware of the whole picture. Often we minimize the tantrums and dramas in front of others. Maybe your friend is putting it all out there and is allowing her daughter to express all her feelings, both good and bad in front of you, her friend. But what if you are wrong. Has there ever been a time that you have any questions about this situation? I doubt so many months later you'd still read this, but even if you do, please I don't need a response; just think about it. Can you say within yourself, that if this were to turn into a bad situation for this little girl, would you have the integrity and strength to be a real friend and say "stop, you've gone too far". Yes, it is a risk to the friendship. But it is the responsibility of EVERY ADULT to put the needs of children first. Yes, you are able to write in defense of your friend, but can you honestly say that you would speak the truth to your friend EVEN IF SHE NEVER SPOKE TO YOU AGAIN IN DEFENSE OF THIS CHILD. Because now you are on record saying this little girl is happy and this is not a detriment to her developement, supporting your friend. I hope to God you are correct. But as an adult, how will you feel in 15 or 20 years if this little girl becomes a woman and tells you she was miserable, angry and it has scarred her. Will you rest easy knowing you did everything you could for your friend, to help her maintain balance in the convoluted and difficult world of show business, to call attention to possible short sightedness and lapses in judgement: to help her be the best mom she could be, raise the healthiest and happiest child she could raise. Did friends of Dana Plato's mom and Judy Garland's mom, (endless list) have regrets? Can you honestly say you are a true friend to mom, looking out for her when she may not have the vision, the love for her (mom) to say the tough things that need to be said despite her reaction and the integrity as an adult to do right by a child if needed, no matter what anyone thinks. Good luck. |
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