Replies to '06/01 "My Kid's a Star"'

Are you for real ?  I dont know about you ,but I punish my children for not brushing their teeth because if they dont their teeth would rot out of their head and I wouldnt want them in physical pain. I would never punish any one of them for not performing at their best. If it really is her idea and her love and you seriously think at 9 she is able to make her own decisions on something like this, then she is certianly old enough to make her own mistakes. She doesnt need your dicipline, that is if she is able to make her own mind up of coarse. If your daghter really is this good and Im sure she is - then slow down she will make it in due time if it meant to be.  

"At any time, if my daughter decides she does not want to sing we will support her decision, but we do encourage our kids to finish what they start and not to be quitters when the going gets tough. " 

How bad are you going to make her feel before you "support her decision"?  It's a hobby, you're making it a career.  Let her be nine, just have fun with it for now.   

I had really hoped that you would see the show and actually see yourself as you are. What a shame that you were unable to take anything away from the experience ... I suppose it was just a vehicle for you to advertise your daughter but I have to remind you that our children are not really ours, we have the care and keeping of them for a few years and then they become adults who make their own choices and often, those choices are poor ones if we tried living their life for them. 

My son is 18 and is in an arts program at college with no pushing from us. When he was 10, he was a gifted (and short) basketball player. We loved going to his games to cheer him on and we were thrilled when he took a growth spurt and became one of the tallest players on his team but it was right at that time that he decided he didn't want to play basketball, he wanted to play soccer. We had just as much fun cheering for him at soccer. When he was 15 he realized that his dream was to be a standup comedian. He didn't share the dream with us until just before his 16th birthday when he asked to be taken into the city to see a show at Yuk-yuk's starring his favourite local comic. On the way home, a few of his friends started talking about how he was always writing material. I didn't ask about it and didn't push, I figured he'd show it to me when he was ready and he soon did. I was blown away by how funny he was but I didn't jump in to manage his "career". A few months later, he started taking the bus ($38. of his own money) to the city to play open mic nights at comedy clubs. We didn't drive him, didn't push him... he wasn't even ready to show us his act and that was fine with us because we respect his right to have something special of his own.  

It turned out that it wasn't a phase for him. He was accepted into the only Comedy course available at a college. He's doing amazingly well and he's happy. I still haven't seen him perform live but the whole family is invited in December. I've been shown videos of performances and he seems amazingly self possessed and confidident. I've spoken with a professional comedian who's my sons mentor and he's told me how talented my son is. I have no need to interfere. 

What if you were to stop turning your family life upside down for Kara and her "career"? What if she were to just be a kid for now and decide when she's able to decide for herself what she wants to do? Who would suffer for this? If you were to be honest with YOURSELF you'd see it's only you who would suffer. A singer is going to sing no matter what... a performer is going to perform. My son didn't need us to drive him or push him towards performing, he was on stage as student council president, as a participant in every school play, as a volunteer to do announcements at school every morning since he was in 5th grade. All of these were things he arranged for HIMSELF. He was born to perform and it was as natural as breathing to him but, because it was in HIM to do it, he did it.  

If you stop travelling 200 miles for a show, Kara will still find ways to perform if it's truly what she wants. In every moment you were being filmed, I saw no real joy in your child. She was sad and upset in the back seat of your car both to and from the performances. I didn't even see joy in you.... what are you doing this for if it brings little but strife and upset to your family? If it's important for you to have a performer in your family, go and do the work yourself! Perhaps you could pay someone to verbally abuse you after each performance, just to make sure you're getting it right.  

I wish you could have been in my living room after my 13 year old son watched YOUR PERFORMANCE on the Dr. Phil show. He cuddled up to me and said "thanks mom" and I knew exactly what he meant. Our house is so filled with joy... our lives are so filled with joy and we accomplish it by not trying to live our sons lives for them but revelling in how they're seeking their own successes and finding their way to adulthood.  

One thing I'm very happy that you responded to was that you've taken everything off Kara's website.  

I have to say, it disturbed me that so much personal information was available and the welcome note ("I JUST GOT BACK FROM CALIFORNIA. I FLEW OUT TO BE ON THE DR. PHIL SHOW. STAY TUNED FOR MY BIG TV DEBUT. IT WILL AIR IN NOVEMBER. (mom may be a star too!)CHECK OUT MY PICTURE PAGE TO SEE ME WITH DR. PHIL!!!") saying that you may be a star too was a bit sad. I really believe that your only motivation for being on the show was to promote Kara and yourself but something very different may come out of it and for that, I'm very glad. 

Hopefully, the coming days will bless you with some understanding of how truly detrimental your behaviour can be. It's clear the messages here have opened your eyes in some ways or you wouldn't have changed the website. My prayers and warm thoughts are with you and your family.  

I'm sorry, but how does a nine-year "push" you to find gigs 200 miles away?   

Your daughter wants to sing -- that's fine -- but all these "performances" she sings at - well, that's your handy work, your brain child - not some 9-year old's ---  She is a smart kid but that does not equate to sophisticated. 

There's no way a child that age "pushes" her parents to "book" her on all these shows --- she would have no way of knowing how many shows were actually available, etc. unless you were feeding her the information. 

You are in denial my dear and it is so clear to everyone on this board but you -- you keep talking and talking --- are you trying to convince us or yourself? 

And, FYI: True child prodigies don't need to be "made" to practice.  Referring to what you said on another post as well as this one. 

The show was bad enough to watch, but to then get on the website and read the mom's reply was just astounding!  To put her website on your message just really shows what your true intentions are with your child.  Everyone wants their child to be the best they can be at whatever they choose, but eventually you do have to back off.  And why "play" the concerned parent role on the Dr. Phil show when you won't even hear what he has to say!?!?  Did anything he say even sink in with you!?!?   

If Joe Simpson can make the statement that your child won't get a record deal until at least 15 or 16, why would you be so critical of her at 9 years old???  My honest opinion is that we will never see this girl make it because she will be tired of YOUR routine in the near future.  How can traveling all the time and being punished for not "hitting the right note" be fun for a child?? 

To Kara, good luck in whatever you want to pursue in life!  You can do whatever you want in life as long as you are surrounded by the love and SUPPORT of your family and friends!  :-) 

Hi Kara.  I am a 22 yr old female.  I just graduated from college, and seeing the show today reminded me so much of my childhood and my relationship with my father that I actually created an account just to share with you my experience.  I started riding horses before I could walk... I was competing by the age of three... and really good by 6.  Both of my older sisters ran barrels, too, but it was obvious to everyone taht I had a unique ability with a horse.  I completely understand when you and your husband say that she pushes you just as hard as you push her... that was me as a little girl. I always had a calendar out and packed my weekends full of long trips to barrel races.  My parents were wonderful!  There was nowhere they wouldn't take me!!! and I couldn't be more appreciative for having a different childhood than the run of the mill school girl who plays softball and soccer.  I had friends all over the state of Texas, and I was never home on the weekends, so yeah I missed a lot of birthday parties too.  So I do support ya'lls "different lifestyle," as long as she receives a superior education.  However, let me share with you my relationship with my precious Daddy.  He is the king of my world and I couldn't love him more... but I can't count the number of times I cried because of my Dad's critical attitude after every single run.  The pinnacle of his horrible comments was when I was 16 and had run against several huge professional barrel racers...  I won 1st, outrunning 200 something girls, actually women... many of whom had been to the NFR, one who was a hall of fame cowgirl... ect... obviously the best performance of my entire career.  And my dad's response when I ran up and said, "So what'd you think?"  He replied, "Well just think how much you could have out run them by if you hadn't pulled out of the 3rd barrel like that!"  I was devastated.  My dad and I were partners.  Why wasn't he happy for me?  How could he say something like that when I was on top of the world?  And of course my run wasn't perfect, there are always errors you can find with every performance.... but still his comment completely ruined all sense of victory.  All my hard work seemed to be not enough and I still felt like a failure even though I had won.  The thing that always pulled me through was my Mom telling me that he just wants me to be the best and the he is very proud.  By the age of 16 and as an accomplished barrel racer, all I wanted for my dad was for him to be proud of me AND TELL ME!!!  What we started doing was leaving all critics for the next day as I reviewed my videos with my dad before my next practice on my horse.  I came up with everything that I saw wrong, and if I missed anything of course dad told me.  I think this could be really helpful for your families situation.  No, you don't have to lie to her when she asks you how she did, but you can tell her that you loved it, and we'll watch the videos during rehearsal... Like your husband said, she knows most of the time she messed up, as I did (most of the time I found many more errors than my dad), so as parents, be there to pick her up, build her self-confidence and love her unconditionaly.  My parents were and are incredible supporters and I have gone very far bacause of their love and support... BUT IF THERE WAS ONE THING I WOULD CHANGE ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD... my precious daddy would have been more conciencious of his words.  As a child, I never felt like he thought I was good enough.  Nothing I ever did was good enough.  And this made me hate him for the things he said.     

I hope that you think about this, because I am sure you and your husband are just like my parents.  Wonderful, loving and 100% supportive....  but even if she is as ambitious and serious about being a professional as I was a a child, criticism is not always a good thing.  It has to be at the right time and in the right tone.  Hope my story wasn't a waste.. BEST OF LUCK and HOPE TO HEAR U ON THE RADIO ONE DAY BRIDGET!!!!!!