I couldn't agree more. After 19 years of marriage, my husband left me for another (older, go figure) woman. I had followed him around the world supporting him in his chosen career to be told that he no longer loved me etc.etc. Originally from England, I could not file until my green card came through a year after he left. Two years later the divorce was final. Initially, I was hurt, angry, sad and bitter. I took the blame for the demise of our marriage but figured out quite early on that while I had made mistakes, (we all do, we are human) he needed to take ownership for what he had done. Thereafter I realised that the best revenge was to be successful, to cherish each and every day, to take this opportunity to grow and learn and become a better person. I returned to work after a 15 year absence two years ago on a part time basis. Just last month I was offered a full time position which I take up next Monday. I am proud of who I am, happier than I ever can remember and blessed with the life I lead. I didn't get here alone. I am lucky to have the most amazing friends and family who have been so supportive. My children have also been just wonderful in spite of their own pain.
My advice to the women on the show and others like them is allow yourself to grieve and be angry. At some point however, you need to make a concious decision to move on. It is tough at first but dwelling on the negative aspects of your life is bound to have a negative effect on your psyche. I am no Pollyanna but I refuse to be dragged down by what is bad in my life when there is so much that is good. Those of us with kids usually end up getting custody. Celebrate it! The everyday humdrum of life is tiring but we get to see these youngsters everyday. We see them grow and change and learn. What a gift. The ex loses that even if he does see them regularly. And, however badly you feel toward your ex please never ever bad mouth him to your kids. They need their dad. Don't make them feel guilty for loving him. And, if he is taking the kids on a regular basis, enjoy your time off! We all need time to recharge our batteries.
I just couldn't go without saying something to the "other women" out there. Your posts are sad. If you could see the hurt and destruction caused to our children you would maybe think twice. My two were 7 and 9 when their dad left. My youngest had an obsession with scissors, never actually self mutilating but cutting his hair, his clothes, whatever he could lay his hands on. My older one, who has always been self confident went through terrible separation anxiety with me and would not let me out of her sight even refusing to go to school because she was afraid that she would never see me again. They have both been through several years of therapy. And me? Yes, I guess he did tell her that I was the devil incarnate but if I was the "perfect wife" he wouldn't have left me would he? We are people not cartoon characters. We try our best, we screw up sometimes just like you do. Imagine yourselves in our shoes before you judge us on the lies you have been told.
In closing, to all you jilted wives out there, I wish you peace, happiness, love and strength. Your life will get better if you want it. Make it happen. Life is too short to be miserable.
Go well.
