Replies to 'Step-Parenting'

Whether you choose to take on an additional financial obligation or not, should not make you the bad the guy. 

 

If I were in your shoes, I would weigh my decision on how responsible the child is.  Since you've lived with the girls for at least 8 years you should have a really good idea of how responsible they are.  If they aren't responsible the NO co-signing.

 

And if they need to look upon you as a bad guy, well, so be it.

 

What you might do is suggest ways for the 19yo to build up her credit FIRST and then she wouldn't have to have a co-signer.

 

Q

You made a great decision in my eyes. I would never co - sign for any of my children. And they are only between 13 and 9 years old. I love them but, I will teach them the needs of life and let them go through the heartaches I did so that they can learn and become use. But than I have a college fund already set up for all 3 of them. And than they will have there own trusts funds but, that can't be touched till there 25 years old. So maybe they will think twice before they sign for a credit card or a car loan. And when the time comes I will sit them all down at once and tell them that we as parents don't want to spoil them that in time they will understand. There will be no cosigning if you don't have the money you don't need it. And if you do need it you will work twice as hard to get it. I never started out with a brand new car. But the car I did get was a 83 mustang and it was something I cherished and never took advantage of because it was bought with hard earned money. I am glad to hear you said NO as I would have too... Carlie

 Stick to your guns. They may make you feel like a stingy, horrible, person, but that's because they are spoiled. If you are the only one with good credit you need to protect it. Our kids actually thanked us later for not giving them downpayments and co-signing. When they were grown, living in their own house, driving their own cars and watching former friends still living with daddy and begging crumbs, they decided that making them stand on their own was more of a gift to them than the money was. It takes awhile but that's really what parenting is about. They know that if they are REALLY in need we will be there.

like the above have said..stick to your guns..while im sure you love your man and care for his children, you are the only person who is there to watch out for yourself.

Boy can I relate.  My husband also has 3 daughters and the middle one had asked us to help her with a car several years ago.  She managed to rack up a phone bill around $300.00 and never paid for it, so that was when we decided we would not be helping her with  her car.  Her older sister approached my huband (her dad) and asked if we would help her by co-signing on a car.  He felt she was responsible enough that we could do that (we both have great credit).  She was late on her second payment and we only found out because they contacted him.  We went and made the payment, but obviously she took us very seriously as we told her the next issue, we would take the car.  She paid us back for the payment we made and got herself back on track.  The middle sister, however is still very upset and has refused to talk to her dad since he would not co-sign for her-but she never did re-pay the phone bill, so why would we ever take that chance.  The youngest daughter, who lives with us and is now 18, was taken by me to the bank to open a checking account and apply for a student visa with $250.00 credit line.  She also went and got her own cell phone account (which upset her mother because her mother had added her to her account and was making her pay her directly) and she is paying her car insurance on a car we allow her to drive.  Too many times parents do not set their children up to understand the big world of credit nor do they teach them how to become responsible and independent at a young age.  The next bit of business will be for her to get a car on her own merit, with her own credit because she is building that right now.  Stick to your guns.  This step-daughter is the responsibility of your husband, but you can help her understand how to get her credit established so she can get the car on her own.  If she is living with you then I assume there is a responsiblility of working or going to school or maybe both.  Show her how important it is for her to empower herself and make things happen on her own.  Good luck.  As I told my step-daughter "you can hate me now as you will love me when your older."  "It is not my concern that we are friends, it is my concern that you are prepared for the real world."