Replies to 'Living Together'

  

  

 You did not mention you ages, so my guess is your over 18, but under 35. 

  

   The fact he did this a second time?  No respect for you and your wishes.  It does not disturb him enough to stop.  Your posting about it, which means your upset by it.  So that makes it cheating. 

  

  You have 2 options.  Both of which involve moving out.  It's the only thing that will get his attention- and if you choose not to do that-- like rent a room for a month in another location, parents, and girlfriend, whatever.  Then your not going to get his attention and waste more years of your life on a guy who's porn is more important to him than you.    

  

 It's nice you love him, but it does not take a guy 3+ years to figure out if your keeper or not.  

that's another problem.. he's a GUY... not a MAN.. Big difference!   Why should he respect you anyway?  You'll just roll over to keep the comfort zone-- HE has got nothing to worry about.  

It's like they are drawn to the sites.  I actually hacked into my bf's email and found some very interesting things.  IT's NOT YOU, IT's HIM!  No matter what you say or do, he will never change his habits.  There is something "missing" iside of him.  They will lie straight to your face and never bat an eye.  I had proof mine was messing around with many girls on the Internet.  I found screen stills that show a girl performing various acts on herself and in the background was a copy of an email he was composing to me! HAH! Needless to say, my first thought was NOT that he was not cheating!  He would say, "just ask me if you want to know."  So, I did.  He denied all of it.  Said they were "cyber" friends!  Gee, that's a close friend that will show you her poo-nah-nee on the webcam!  Was he giving her advice on a strange mole growth???  I simply said, "I think I'll get me some of those "cyber" friends myself."  I'm just thankful that I said I would never sell my house until I was married.  Remember, the only person you can truly rely on is YOU!    

  

And I don't care how they rationalize it, it's cheating.  If they are doing something that they feel they have to hide, then it's cheating!   

  

Quit breaking yourself down and break it off.   

i hope you will read the book "out of the shadows" by patrick carnes.  i was in a similar relationship and found out that the things i was seeing in him were only the tip of the ice-berg.  he was involved in much more.  as women we want to be the center of their world.  it doesn't matter 'if' he would physically cheat on you, he's cheating on you.  the book i suggested will help you see your self as well as him for what he is.  i honestly believe that if we are 'emotionally healthy' we will not tolerate those behaviors.  i believe he has a sexual addiction.  you need to work on yourself though, that's the only true way to change things.  know how to tell when a sex addict is lying?  his lips are moving.  please read the book!  i put myself through 2 years of hell because my ex-boyfriend was a sex addict.  my relationship started the same way, websites, disks w/porn.  i hired a private detective and wow...what an eyopener.  please read the book......

First i must say that we are about the same age. Im 22 yrs old and my boy friend is 22 his a month older than me. We have only been together for 1 year and 7 months. Have been living together for 5 months. I went through that. I went as far as reading his emails and thats how i found out. I then started to check the internet history on the computer to see what sites he would visit while i was at work. Well i found a few adult profile sites. I have to say i was devestated i felt disgusted. As if i had no idea who the man sleeping next to me at night was. I fought with him for a long time and did not trust him since he lied about it. I even found a profile of his with a picture of his penis as his profile picture. DEVASTATION!!!!!!! Well i wish i could say thats where it ends. He also was chatting with a girl from a whole different state on messenger. That he never denied. He would complain about me to her.

 

Ok now that i have told you that much. I will begin to tell you. TALK TO HIM!!!! Dont argue. Its not necessarily true that his bored. with you.  But sweetie men will be men. I came to find out that he wanted to be sexually curious with me but was scared to bring that up. SO We started to try new things in bed. Videos, costumes. so on and so forth. That might be what is going on. I must say that he no longer logs on to those sites i know cause its my computer and i have checked. We have became even closer to one another and communication between us has improved greatly. The main thing is to talk to him. Bring up some of the ideas i have. MAybe he is interested in them. Do not argue. That will get you no where.

 

I know that you feel cheated on but he has not physically seen or tocuhed any of this girls.He's in bed with you every night. Do somethig about it.  Take your relationship back in control. If not its not meant to be and you must leave. Feeling second to a girl from the net is not right nor healthy for you.

i can totally relate. and i believe that your guy has opened up the opportunity to let another woman in his life and u need to make him realize that. set your foot down on what ur willing to tolerate which isn't those sites. they're nasting and degrading to women. and also very unrealistic. if he chooses the site.. if he sees that it hurts u and still does it, then loose him.. it's not worth it to have the one u love hurt you repeatedly...

the women on those sites are fantasies and they're easily accessed.   That is a great temptation.

 

You might be watching the beginnings of an addiction.  He says he'll stop, but he doesn't.   You have to decide what you're okay with and let him know how you feel, then see what he does.  If he doesn't stop, then the ball's in your court.

 

My man goes on the computer and looks at porn sites.  He doesn't hide it at all.  I don't mind at all and have even looked with him.  We both believe that it gives us new ideas in the bedroom.  We are both secure enough in our relationship and know that he can't jump in the computer to touch these woman.  He doesn't chat, neither do I.  We have discussed boundaries and are comfortable with this.  As for the woman being skinnier and prettier...in who's eyes?  Does he feel that way or is that your opinion?  Just remember, there is a lot of airbrushing and touch ups done to these sites.  Also remember this, there are sites that pop up that give you the opportunity to get together.  That doesn't mean that he intentionally went to them.  Communication is the key to any relationship.  Guys are visual animals...and yes they like to look, out of boredom.  Talk to him and get to the bottom of why he likes the sites.  Ask if you could look with him and have him show you what it is that he likes.  Is it the women, or what they are actually doing?  Men are going to fantasize, whether it is in their heads, computer screen or some girl walking down the street.  Just communicate...do not come at him confrontational though, then he won't want to talk and he will just hide it more.