Replies to 'Overcoming Grief'
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August 4, 2005, 5:13 am PDT
 Quote From: missbilly Thank you so much for the kind words. I have been on a rollercoaster ride so long I wonder how I'm still here but I am. There are so many nights,days and hours I wish he were here holding me like he used to. My common sense says I need to move on but my heart inside is still shattered after almost five years. One thing I do find myself doing is talking about him alot, things that happen that make me think of what he did or would have said and I have to smile even though the loss is so devastating. He was my one and only love. I was never like other girls in school, I didn't go out partying and I was always made fun of over the color of my hair which was ridiculous but Billy never ever hurt me he did all to protect me and its that strong sense of protection and love that I miss so terribly. I tried moving on a couple years ago by dating but all I felt was guilty like I cheated and I hate that feeling. I think about him alot and then there are times like when I'm busy and don't think about him and then wonder how can you not think about the person who was the most important person in my life. I look at his daughter Ashley who looks just like her daddy and personality is daddys and have to cry cause he won't see her graduate and he won't walk her down the aisle at her wedding and it hurts so much knowing how proud he would be of her. I just don't know anymore the easier is getting harder. I had a counselor but they are more interested in money and being stick straight on time that they dropped me when I told them I had a kidney stone passing and waited till the day of the appointment to cancel. I could have passed it and then went but when I called to reset it up all I got well you didn't give twenty four hour notice so we can't see you for at least three months. I was furious and told her well guess next time maybe I should tell my body oh no don't get sick now its not allowed on appointment day. Also told them to keep there service since it was evident to me they are just in it for the money. you can go forward as you and your husband are as strong as a family. sure its ok to cry but your husband that died he still sees all and knows what your going thru and is watching and is hoping you make all the right decisions as you still have a daughter to raise. His memory will live sure but like I said before let your current husband be hisself as i see a strong family there. Never forget him but, never make another into another person. you can be surprised what can happen when the love can flow all around. Your right there all they do care is money. God and family is first. pray for help from God and he will guide you and your husband is your strength you need also. :) when it comes time for her wedding(daughters) have you ever thought of asking your current husband?? it might just give him the biggest thrill of his life also. Just knowing that the love of heart is there would be so great and make him so happy. just a thought. Keep the faith and strength, and lean toward your currant husband as he is your strength you need. you have a wonderful family and you can a family night together where you can do something together and have some fun. dinner and movie, shopping, picnic, BBQ, Beach,ETC. pick something where you do something together as a family 1 day a week and have fun. keep that day always as family day. it don't have to be where you have to spend money either, think and of other ways where you don't spend money to spend family time to have fun. :) I know you can you can do it. I have faith in you all. keep up the good work. 2nephi |
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