Replies to 'When a Family Member Gets Sick'
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August 11, 2005, 9:38 pm PDT
 Quote From: mohabee96 My Mom, bless her, has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. My Dad is afflicted with altzheimers. Mom and Dad are 79 and 80, respectively. They have lived in the same house for nearly 30 years, and have had a marriage for nearly 60 years. Up to this point, they struggled with the common things couples struggle with, but remained committed to one another. My Mom, the stronger of the two now, has a number of tasks to shoulder, many of which she has no experience with, or is physically unable to complete. They have a woman clean the house twice a week, and a neighbor man comes around to mow the lawn and do handyman tasks.
I just came home, to where I live in California, from where Mom and Dad live, in Pennsylvania, after the annual trip I make to visit them Things have changed in the house this time, though. I found myself getting sad that my Dad was unable to drive, let alone ride a lawn tractor, which was once his favorite outdoor activity. He is mostly lucid, and can read a newspaper and talk intelligently about the articles he read. My Mom is unable to fold linens or to cook, though she's able to drive a short distance to see the doctor, or to take herself and my Dad to a neighborhood buffet restaurant, to eat one meal a day.
I guess my love for my parents and my compassion are real, but I'm concerned that they will both need a helper, in order to continue living in their house, and maintain health themselves. My Mom is worried and cried many times on my shoulder. She's scared. I found myself sobbing with her, but I kept my composure despite my sadness.
I hope that someone on this list can help me understand what Parkinsons is, and what Altzheimer's is--these are two diseases that I'm aware of (my Dad's mother and sister died with Altzheimer's), but need some education about how to deal with two parents and these illnesses. my grandma had parkinsons and she also had altzheimers later on. when she was living at home she did really great. they just need to keep on moving and excercise. and the medication that is out there. Don't let her give up either.and please don't put her in a nursing home as thatn will make her give up easily. once my grandma was in a nursing home it didn't take long at all. its the activity and keeping her mind active around family memebers that will help. as for your father, time will only make him lose his memeory. my grandma lost her memeory but 1 thing,my dad chewing his tobacco. and then she wander about why her husband wasn't coming to see her and he has been dead for years but with altzheimers setting in she didn't remember it. she thought he left her. we visited her and kepted up talking about everything as normal. up to the day she died. your mom will shake some yes with parkinsons but don't let it bother her, have her keep doing her normal routine around the house. maybe take a short a walk if she is able or get a tread mill also. have her stay active. your parents will do just fine . turn to God as the altzheimers gets bad, and you need help and may many Blessings come to you and yours. 2nephi |
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August 15, 2005, 10:37 pm PDT
Quote From: mohabee96 My Mom, bless her, has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. My Dad is afflicted with altzheimers. Mom and Dad are 79 and 80, respectively. They have lived in the same house for nearly 30 years, and have had a marriage for nearly 60 years. Up to this point, they struggled with the common things couples struggle with, but remained committed to one another. My Mom, the stronger of the two now, has a number of tasks to shoulder, many of which she has no experience with, or is physically unable to complete. They have a woman clean the house twice a week, and a neighbor man comes around to mow the lawn and do handyman tasks.
I just came home, to where I live in California, from where Mom and Dad live, in Pennsylvania, after the annual trip I make to visit them Things have changed in the house this time, though. I found myself getting sad that my Dad was unable to drive, let alone ride a lawn tractor, which was once his favorite outdoor activity. He is mostly lucid, and can read a newspaper and talk intelligently about the articles he read. My Mom is unable to fold linens or to cook, though she's able to drive a short distance to see the doctor, or to take herself and my Dad to a neighborhood buffet restaurant, to eat one meal a day.
I guess my love for my parents and my compassion are real, but I'm concerned that they will both need a helper, in order to continue living in their house, and maintain health themselves. My Mom is worried and cried many times on my shoulder. She's scared. I found myself sobbing with her, but I kept my composure despite my sadness.
I hope that someone on this list can help me understand what Parkinsons is, and what Altzheimer's is--these are two diseases that I'm aware of (my Dad's mother and sister died with Altzheimer's), but need some education about how to deal with two parents and these illnesses. This is such a sad disease. I have tried to educate myself about it, but I have found nothing much that really makes me understand the difference between this and dimensia, maybe it is all the same only dimensia is the beginning stages of Alzheimer's.
My 90 year old aunt is suffering with this. It was one of her worst fears and it has hit her. She has no children, is the last one living of her siblings, her husband died many years ago. She has only nieces and nephews to help her. I have been helping her for the past 12 years, paying her bills, driving her to the store, doctors appt, everything she needs.
She first started being confused, but was still eating and taking care of her appearance, etc. But as time went on she would panic because she was confused about things, she forgot to take her meds, didn't eat, didn't know what time of day it was, and even started wandering outside and couldn't find her way home. It is progressive.
It became more than I could handle and I was afraid she would hurt herself, so I made the decision to move her to assisted living. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. She cried, didn't understand why she had to move and didn't want to. Leaving her apartment that she was used to seemed to confuse her more. She has lived in assisted living for over 2 years now and still can not find her way to her room. She doesn't really understand where she is or why she is there.
In my area there are community programs such as Meals on Wheels to help the elderly. It is low cost and at least they get one good meal a day. That helped temporarily but she was still losing weight. Assisted living also helped in the beginning. She was more stimulated by all the people, on a good schedule, and got her meds on time. But the disease takes control and it is a slow process of forgetting how to do everything. She is now 94 pounds, has had several falls and now uses a walker, has no idea where she is, asks about her mother and others who have died, doesn't remember anything you tell her, etc. Her level of care goes up every month and is now on Hospice. It's a sad thing to see. |
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September 10, 2005, 4:56 pm PDT
Quote From: mohabee96 My Mom, bless her, has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. My Dad is afflicted with altzheimers. Mom and Dad are 79 and 80, respectively. They have lived in the same house for nearly 30 years, and have had a marriage for nearly 60 years. Up to this point, they struggled with the common things couples struggle with, but remained committed to one another. My Mom, the stronger of the two now, has a number of tasks to shoulder, many of which she has no experience with, or is physically unable to complete. They have a woman clean the house twice a week, and a neighbor man comes around to mow the lawn and do handyman tasks.
I just came home, to where I live in California, from where Mom and Dad live, in Pennsylvania, after the annual trip I make to visit them Things have changed in the house this time, though. I found myself getting sad that my Dad was unable to drive, let alone ride a lawn tractor, which was once his favorite outdoor activity. He is mostly lucid, and can read a newspaper and talk intelligently about the articles he read. My Mom is unable to fold linens or to cook, though she's able to drive a short distance to see the doctor, or to take herself and my Dad to a neighborhood buffet restaurant, to eat one meal a day.
I guess my love for my parents and my compassion are real, but I'm concerned that they will both need a helper, in order to continue living in their house, and maintain health themselves. My Mom is worried and cried many times on my shoulder. She's scared. I found myself sobbing with her, but I kept my composure despite my sadness.
I hope that someone on this list can help me understand what Parkinsons is, and what Altzheimer's is--these are two diseases that I'm aware of (my Dad's mother and sister died with Altzheimer's), but need some education about how to deal with two parents and these illnesses. I am numb, I am hurt, I am angry, I am confused, I am dying slowly inside.. We just found out a couple weeks ago that my husband has aids. We are waiting for his cd4+ and viral load count to come in. He has been fighting esophageal candidias since May,(he has had yeast problem since thanksgiving of last year, just took this long to get him to a doctor). He eyesight is quickly failing, and he has dementia, and is wasting and is anorexic... He can't understand why I am angry.... Ihave people telling me If I want to pack up the kids and leave I have every right in the book.... but yet, I can't. This is their father. And even though I have been betrayed in the worst way possible.. I plan on staying to see him through this til the end. Because of his carelessness, we are losing the home we have rented for 5 years, I have had to go on food stamps, and am now waiting on public housing, I had to go back to work at walmart, am juggling work, our 3 kids, their school and school work, him, and his illness, and doctors appointments and setting up his social security disability appointments. I am trying to hang on, but he is making it really hard. He talks to me just awful,, almost like it is my fault that he is sick. Iknow this isn't him , it is the illness, but it still hurts even though.... He refuses to tell us how he thinks get got this, he does have body piercings and tattoos, but over the past few years I have caught where he has stored gay porn that he has downloaded and then some that was sent from a gay friend of his out of Rhode Island... and I have called and talked to a few of his friends, who have been good friends of his most his life, and they are dropping suttle hints, like "well he hasn't exactly been a saint",,and none of them are acting a bit surprised.... so now I don't know what to believe... All i know right now all Iknow is that I have to keep going for the kids. I am doing all I can to keep things calm and quiet for them and as normal as possible. They know dad is sick, but think it is cancer, they do not know it is aids... they are only 4. 8. 10 so I think they are too young to understand about aids.. but they were there when their nanny and pappaw died of cancer, so they understand it a little more..... |
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October 18, 2006, 9:56 pm PDT
Quote From: mohabee96 My Mom, bless her, has been diagnosed with Parkinsons. My Dad is afflicted with altzheimers. Mom and Dad are 79 and 80, respectively. They have lived in the same house for nearly 30 years, and have had a marriage for nearly 60 years. Up to this point, they struggled with the common things couples struggle with, but remained committed to one another. My Mom, the stronger of the two now, has a number of tasks to shoulder, many of which she has no experience with, or is physically unable to complete. They have a woman clean the house twice a week, and a neighbor man comes around to mow the lawn and do handyman tasks.
I just came home, to where I live in California, from where Mom and Dad live, in Pennsylvania, after the annual trip I make to visit them Things have changed in the house this time, though. I found myself getting sad that my Dad was unable to drive, let alone ride a lawn tractor, which was once his favorite outdoor activity. He is mostly lucid, and can read a newspaper and talk intelligently about the articles he read. My Mom is unable to fold linens or to cook, though she's able to drive a short distance to see the doctor, or to take herself and my Dad to a neighborhood buffet restaurant, to eat one meal a day.
I guess my love for my parents and my compassion are real, but I'm concerned that they will both need a helper, in order to continue living in their house, and maintain health themselves. My Mom is worried and cried many times on my shoulder. She's scared. I found myself sobbing with her, but I kept my composure despite my sadness.
I hope that someone on this list can help me understand what Parkinsons is, and what Altzheimer's is--these are two diseases that I'm aware of (my Dad's mother and sister died with Altzheimer's), but need some education about how to deal with two parents and these illnesses. Mohabee96 I also hope you're still checking the message boards.... Because I finally logged on, and came across your E-Mail. I hope you still can find some benefit from my opinion. I had this all written out a few nights ago, but then what I call "the computer blues" happened, somehow, I lost it all, so, here I go again. Most importantly, realize I'm no professional, I've no affiliations, degrees or anything other than my own personal opinion as a care giver. Without enough help or relief helpers, this leaves little free time. I realize this is a note from almost a year ago that I'm only just now reading.... However, IF, you're lucky enough, to still have one or both parents STILL in their own home...."Keep them there ! as long as humanly possible !" The familiar surroundings, routine, as much of the same as what they used to do as possible, is what will help keep them from becoming, less functional as quickly perhaps. As to the difference between Altzeihmers and Dementia, again my opinion ONLY ! I believe with Dementia, you're able to remember MOST of the past well, however, the most recent events, especially conception of time, they come in and out like waves, with most recent events, being on an always outgoing tide. Whereas, with Altzeihmers, most, if not all, is no longer within their grasp. I believe it to be "the most cruelest affliction" as in most cases the body is fine, the afflicted might just not know what to do ? how ? or when ? and why ? The saving grace for Altzeihmer's is they're not aware how bad off they might be. Whereas with Dementia, there's moments, time periods of total clarity....they unfortunately might be aware something's amis. Now, as to Parkinson's, I came into the care of a "stubborn, independant, Scottish lady in her late 80's. The whole time she stayed in the home she kept her whole adult lifetime, she did as well as can be expected. I gave her as much privacy, and independance as possible, but stepping in was neccessary at times. I'd say well over a decade in her home with the affliction taking it's toll. However, after losing a majority of family, to moving away, or passing on, as well as her last dog....As "they" say, that was the straw that broke the camels back." Shortly afterwards, it became neccessary to put her in the unfamiliar territory of a home....Well, in my opinion, her decline was swift. I recall it might have been a year, but less than 2 in that facility. She is survived by 2 sisters, 91, 104, they however were spared the affliction of Parkinson's, which of course is an advantage. Suffice to say, rally as much of the troops, relatives, friends, aquaintances as possible. Access as many help organizations and agencies as you're able, set up a support system to relieve you of some of the aid neccessary to keep them in your life and you in theirs. In my opinion "Keep them home and as active as possible !" "Familiarity, breeds longevity...." Best of Luck, Sthipkens. |
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