Replies to '06/16 Childhood Secrets'

sorry guys, you all are probably getting tired of seeing my face pop up so many times on this message board but this subject is so close to my heart. I am really sorry to hear that about your father. I hope you will be okay. I was molested as a child too, but not by my father, by my nextdoor neighbor. I can only imagine what it must be like to be molested by your own father. And to answer your question, no the men who do this dont care about the pain it causes another person, they do know that it will hurt them but they dont care. They have no empathy, so there is really no way to make them feel sorry for what they have done or understand the magnitude of it. The best thing you can do is try to move on at your own pace. But you should know you are very lucky that your mother is so loving and supporting of you. If you have read alot of the posts on this message board, many victims are shunned by family members after they tell them about the abuse, which is so wrong. Since you atleast have your mother to support you and since you have been able to get help for it at an early age like 14, you still have a very good chance of getting through this and being happy later in life. I waited for years to tell anyone about my abuser too. And it was horrible, I only wish I had told someone sooner. I am 22 now and have only begun to get some real therapy for it. I am making progress. You will too. You will never forget about what happened to you, but if you work with your therapist and your support group and continue to get counseling, I think you will be fine.  

Hi airose05.  After years of dealing with my feelings about my own abuse, I have developed an understanding of why I believe my own father and grandfather molested me.  I think they were both very immature and narcissistic, thus, incapable of believing that anything that "felt good" to them could possibly feel otherwise to the small child they were hurting.   

That's why it is so good that people like you are speaking out.  In the old days when I was a kid, we weren't even taught the proper words to use, so it was almost impossible to talk about sexual abuse, even if we had enough courage to try (which I didn't.)  But now I do speak out.  So if those men don't think they are causing any pain, it's not because I'm too scared to tell anymore!  (If any pedophiles are reading this right now, I want you to know that what you did is not OK, it DOES hurt the child, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and you need to stop what you are doing and get help NOW.) 

Sorry about that interruption airose05.  Like you said, there are a lot of men like that for some reason, and unfortunately they might even enjoy reading things that victims write, they can be that creepy.  Fortunately there are also many good men out there, too, but, as I'm sure you know, it's not easy to tell them apart, so you have to be careful. 

I'm glad you are getting help, and I'm glad you know that you are not alone.  Your very thoughtful questions makes me think that you will grow up to be a courageous woman who will make the world a better place, like Oprah and Dr. Phil are doing.  My thoughts are with you today in your day to day struggles.  Hang in there, and don't forget that you are not alone!!! 

--Andreawr 

Hi Sweetie,  

Don't try to 'get over it'....you need to work through it and probably will never 'get over it'.  You shouldn't have to 'get over it'.  EVER!!  And, don't let anyone tell you different.  You are such a brave person.  I'm so unbelievably proud of you for telling your mom, especially since I can imagine how hard it must have been for you.  14 is a hard age, without having to deal with being abused.  I don't claim to know why anyone would hurt their child in that way.  There are no reasons or excuses.  These people are sick and selfish.  Thank god you told your mom!  Is she supporting you?  Where is your father?  Do you have any contact with him anymore?    

Hon, one day, when you're ready, sit down and write him a letter.  Make it as nice or mean as you feel...write down everything you've ever wanted to say to him.  Make him hear how he hurt you.  It may have no affect on him, but may on how you feel.  This is a big deal - sexual abuse can ruin your life...for the rest of your life, if you let it.  You sound like a very bright and wonderful person.  Do whatever you have to to become whole again.  If one counselor isn't helping you the way you want, find another.  You deserve it!  You're too important.  Your life and what you do with it is all up to you, now.  You can be anything and anyone you want to be.    

I'm here.  I'm just a mom of 3 kids and your story made me cry.  IF YOU NEED TO TALK - I'M HERE!!  ALWAYS!!!  Please know, there is now a huge group of people here who care about you and want to see you okay.  Please let us know how you are.    

You're forever in my thoughts and prayers.....  

 I wish I could hold you and hug you as a mother or better a sister . Dr Phil said that  it one never gets over as long as all their family and relatives acknowledge  their pain ,and thanks to him I feel almost normal, I was shut out of my sisters lives.  One doesn't get over it in that condition .  You can live a better life, you can heal, and dear, there is life after abuse, Only you are the  master of it  so, continue to get help and don't think if you are not over it you are a lesser person.   

How can someone and so many men do that to their children???    

Maybe because they can.  Maybe because they don't know better than get their feelings their pleasures from innocent children. But, I don't think they are sick , it is too easy to say ..-"Oh they are sick ! "  I am sick I have many sequels of the abuse. My old body is aching and I have pain every day of my life now.  they are depraved, vicious.  

And Why?????? Perversion ? Intant pleasures ? I wish I knew, I could stop it. All I knew was to protect my children from him.  

Don't they know the pain that is felt because of that?   

Some must, my father was abused by his dad who also abused me.  

 He told my mother (who  failled to protect me, she knew ) that he did not rape me physically ...He cared for my virginity   .Hello !!!  My whole life was and still is affected by it .   

Take care little one . And you will be the one to break the cycle  

Nicole