Replies to '06/16 Childhood Secrets'

I am sorry about what you and your daughter are going through, and I am so glad that you are listening and helping your daughter. The rest of the family is in denial and do not want to accept this being a loved one, I figure they are embarrassed and ashamed and just don't know how to deal with it and chances are in time they will see the truth for what it is, for this boy who did this will probably try it again with some one else, a person can hide for so long but eventually the trith will prevail. Have faith in your daughter and love and encourage her every day no matter what, she needs you to stick with her and to help her through this, it might cost friendships and relationships but in the end, you will reap the good. You can't make your sister take action or even accept this but you can do your part in helping your daughter and through prayer and love, others will come to see the truth. Talk to people you can trust and who believes in what you are doing and stay away from the negatives as much as possible. My prayers are with you and your daughter

I think you did the right thing by reporting this and I commend you for sticking by your daughter. I have known many mothers who have found it too hard to deal with and find it easier to believe it didn't happen. My own sister did that when she learned my niece was being molested by her father. She chose to beleive her father and threatened to have my niece committed if she testified. My niece is a wreck because of it. These things cause so much damage. 

  

I will keep you in my prayers that things will get better for you and that your sister realizes that she is not doing her son any favors by sticking up for him. She needs to deal with this in order for him to deal with it. With many prayers I am sure you will make it through 

 You are so great for believing and supporting your daughter!  With a super mom  like you (and some really good counseling) I know that she will pull through, even from something so horrible.  That's always the hardest part for victims of this sort of thing, is the fear that even if they do tell no one will believe them, or else that they will be blamed for starting it.

You can not force someone else to take responsibility for their actions, or even behave properly, but you can control your response to their bad behaviour.  Hold you head high and keep loving your daughter the way that you have been.  She will see your fine example and will grow past this, no matter how hard things are now.

I am a little worried about your sister's response.  You did not mention how old your nephew is.  Is their a possibility that something is not right in your sister's home, if you catch my meaning?  That could be why she is refusing to believe.  If your nephew was (or is still being) abused, then she may be in denial for that reason.  That is PURE speculation on my part, as I know only what you said in your post.  It's just that often children who act out like that learned the behaviour from someplace.  (If your nephew is older, then, obviously, this does not apply).

I sincerely wish the best for you and your precious girl.

I know that must have been so hard for you to confront your sister about this, knowing how close you are. That took COURAGE. And I applaude you for that. Your daughter needs someone to stand up for her and you did it! You gave her that safe place to fall and now she can work toward healing, hopefully. 

  

You would be amazed at how many children have cowered in fear, told their parent(s) and then nothing was ever done. Or the parent refused to believe them. Can you imagine what that's like? 

Thank you for doing what you did. I only hope that your sister wakes up because who knows what else her son's been up to? Denial isn't going to solve anything. 

I thank God that you have the courage and strength to confront the situation. I know that you hate feeling like it has messed up the family, but its the cousin's fault. dont feel guilty. i am in the opposite situation, i dont want to tell most of my family because i will lose some of my family. they are all step-related, but they still have been there since i was like 6.

I can identify with your post because I am in a similar situation and have been for 10 years.  My father molested my children as well as my sister's children. 
We both reported the abuse and pressed charges against our father.  He turned himself in to the police and admitted that he committed the crimes and is currently serving out his sentence in prison.  The problem is my mother.  She holds me and one of my nieces completely responsible for the fact that my father is going to "die" in prison (as she is very fond of saying).  When my father gets sick (he is very elderly) she makes a point of calling me and telling me that I "saw to it" that my father was given "a death sentence."  She absolutely will not acknowledge that he did anything wrong or is responsible for where he is and the time he is serving there.  She expects us all to "get over it" and doesn't understand why we do not want to hear about him or from him.   

As I said, I've been dealing with this for 10 years.  It was extremely difficult at first but over the years and thru therapy I have come to realize that I cannot hold myself responsible for her feelings or her behavior.  I know that I did the right thing, just as you know that YOU did the right thing.  You are the one who has to get up in the morning and look your daughter in the face.  She knows that you did what you had to do to protect her.  I hope that you pressed charges against your nephew... the odds of this being an isolated incident are slim and if he tried to molest your daughter, he will try it with someone else.   

I told my children that they were my heroes... because of their courage in telling the truth and coming forward about their abuse, they have saved other children from going thru the same thing.  It's important for your daughter to know that she is brave and strong and how proud you are of her for telling you about this.  As far as your sister goes, it's her son.  She is doing what she feels she has to do.  It's sad that your family is being divided... but once again, YOU did what YOU had to do.  Your daughter will love and thank you for it one day, if she hasn't already.  And you can look yourself in the mirror and be proud of yourself for having the courage to stop the abuse.  Even if your sister will not go to counseling, do not let that stop YOU from getting counseling and from taking your daughter for help.  You do not owe anyone an explanation OR an apology.  If no one else says it to you, I will:  I am proud of you for doing the right thing.  I am proud of you for protecting your daughter.  Your daughter knows that she can trust you and that you will always do your best to keep her safe.  Be proud of yourself for that.   

Your sister, like my mother, probably cannot accept the truth because of the guilt that goes along with it.  You have to separate yourself from that and move on.  You can try to make a pact with your sister that you will stay close and love each other but not discuss this situation.  You can tell her that you want to be a part of your life but cannot in good conscience allow your children near her son, but that you love and support her.  Or... you can do what I did (because none of the above worked in my situation) and just surround yourself with people who love and support YOU through this because you need that right now, more than ever.   

I hope that everything works out for you and your daughter.  Stay strong.  Dani