Replies to '06/16 Childhood Secrets'

I am also the only one in my family who "speaks" about the sexual abuse that has gone on in my family in the past...I have been shunned ...I have no family...my children have no relatives...sometimes I feel they resent me for it too...Christmas is the hardest...it's hard for me to find someone to talk about it with as they mistake my grief for wanting my family back...I don't...I just need to grieve the loss and move on but I'm having a hard time doing that...maybe it will never go away...the feeling of being abandoned and sacrificed for what?  shame...secrecy...a facade of a "normal" family...what a joke...cowards all of them.  My family is so sick and toxic I would die of the "craziness" if I entered back into that pit.  I just pray to God he will show me the method behind this madness...I feel like I am supposed to do something with this but I dont' know what yet...my daughter is 19 and will be leaving the nest soon...I will be alone for the first time in my life...I am terrified...I am so jaded by childhood sexual abuse and failed relationships I wonder what the h*ll I will do with myself...I have started writing letters about child sexual abuse...I had one published in the editorial of a local newspaper and I wrote a 3 page letter to a judge begging he hand down the maximum to a local radio announcer caught with 199 peices of child porn on his computer...he only got 1 year and I've heard it's possible he only do one 6th of his sentence...makes me weary...I was depressed for days after hearing about children being sold into child sex rings in Aruba on the show the other day...sometimes when I am depressed I read inspirational quotes...I found this one...I will read it everytime I am overwhelmed by the enormity of this problem on our planet... 

  

When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it - always.
- Mahatma Gandhi
 

I read your msg and had to register on Dr Phil.com before I could respond.   I knew there others whose family refused to deal or acknowledge the truth but how to find them?  One of my brothers and a niece support me and know the truth but rather do this quietly so as not to "stir the nest".  Pains me with my brother, my niece I worry about as she is also a victim, too much a people pleaser -- told her that denying herself to speak her feelings truly concerns me more than her not supporting me openly.  She is more afraid of being shut out of the family which she has seen happen to me numerous times.  Thanks for sharing.