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November 21, 2005, 7:30 am PST
Good Parenting
Quote From: aaabbbcccOkay, I need some good advice, and fast, if anyone is up to it.
I am the mother of an 8 year old and a 4 year old-both girls. I am having particular trouble with the 8 year old in this instance. She has had trouble sleeping through the night since she was an infant, and therefore, her father has stayed with her through the night for emotional support. Well, now, it has been eight years, and I have been trying very hard to get him to stop sleeping with her each and every night. I feel that it is unhealthy and sick, but he disagrees. Since I have complained so much, he sleeps on the floor in her room sometimes instead. He just won't leave her so that she can learn to sleep alone. I set limits about this to them both, throughout the day and for most of the night, because I keep finding them together-him with her instead of being in bed with me, where he belongs. I am absolutely exhausted, plus I still have the 4 year old to care for, who has special needs. When I finally get so tired that I fall asleep, (at usually 2 or 3am) the 8 year old either goes to get him to sleep with her, or he goes in her room on his own. I wake up to an empty bed!
Yes, it is true, I have not slept with my husband consistently for about 8 years. Instead he sleeps with our eight year old! When I explain my views on this he says that I am crazy, but I just don't know how to resolve this eight year feud while restoring our child's emotional health. Please Help! First of all, you are correct, the behavior is not helping your daughter. Why is it that she can't fall asleep? That might be a good place to start, as far as actually helping her sleep. As for your husband, the only way for you to stop the problem is to change his behavior (as your child hasn't really done anything wrong). You need to put your foot down and tell him that his behavior is NOT healthy, nor it it helpful. "...unheathy and sick..." Normally, I wouldn't see a problem with a father sleeping in the same bed as his 8 year old daughter if she couldn't get to sleep, if it were once in a while. (By the way, have you tried letting her sleep in your room?) But this pattern of consistancy over 8 years REALLY worries me. I'm not making accusations, and I need a lot more information to come to this conclusion, but initial when I read this it lead to be believe something terrible is going on in that room. It is possible that she is being molested. One HUGE indicator of molestation in children is night terrors (more than your average nightmare). Again, I'm not making any accusations, but this really made me worry. EITHER WAY, the behavior needs to stop.
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