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November 21, 2005, 11:40 am PST
Your Parenting Style
Quote From: pjddleeI am the mother of two boys ages 5 and 10. My ten year old has ADHD and is very successfully treated with his medication. He has been on maintenance for more than 2 years and does wonderfully. His personality is still in tact, he does not "zone out" and he is extremely intelligent.
My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. He is stepfather to both of my children. He loves them very much and tries to do everything that he can to let them know that he loves them and wants what's best for them.
The problem in this situation arises because of my parenting style. I do not get on the boys, particularly the 10 year old, as much as I should for being disrespectful of me. He does not follow my directions and almost always has something to say after I speak to him or after I have told him to do something. For many years, I just did not realize that he was doing that, largely because of the verbally abusive relationship I was in with his father. I was desensitized what he was saying to me. Now, I realize that he does it, but I feel that if I reprimand him every single time he does it, all I will ever do is reprimand my child.
My husband is disgusted with the entire situation, to the point that he had threatened to leave because of the way that I allow my child to speak and act toward me. I realize that I am not doing what I should, but I don't know what to do without feeling as if I am reprimanding my child every one of the precious moments that we have to spend together after working and schooling all day.
Does anyone have any suggestions? You need to choose your battles as well as set guidelines and boundaries. Your children are old enough to understand about rules and consequences. You, your husband and your children need to sit down for a family meeting and discuss issues together (do this ahead of time with your husband), and then discuss with them that there ae some things in the home that need to change, discuss them as well as consequences and stick to them no matter what. You and your husband are a a team here and must work together right along side of your kids, be a team and do not let them play one paretn aainst the other. The changes may be hard for the kids but you need to get it in control now or it will get worse.
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