Replies to '11/22 "Yours, Mine & Ours"'

I may be miss reading your post be it appears to me you are blaming the 6 year old.  It is not the 6 year old that is the problem here.   It is the parenting.  As young as she is and with out the influnce of another adult there is no reason you cannot fully parent this child.  She is doing what works for her.  If you don't like something she is doing then you need to change how you react to it.  Your the only mother this little girl has and she needs a mother that loves her unconditionally.   

I suggest you AND YOUR HUSBAND read the book  

How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!. 

by Sal Severe 

When the issues of blended families comes up it always frustrates me that all of the adults involved don't ever stop to consider that the kids never asked to have a step-parent, a new mom, a new dad, new siblings. The adults are the ones that made the decisions and should have thought things through BEFORE putting their kids in such a situation.  

Expecting a six year old to not act out is ridiculous - she does "know what she is doing" - all she knows is that she has needs that are not being met. If her Bio mother has left her, she has abandonment issues - even if you think you are the only mother she has ever known. It is your job to help her understand her feelings, to expess her emotions and to deal with the loss of her mother. It is your job to find a way to make the relationship work - not hers! Your needs are secondary and need to be met by your husband, not the kids.  

I had a step - parent and can truly say that even at 13 I didn't have the tools I needed to deal with the situation. I can't imagine being a step-child at 6... 

Whilst I agree that parents set the tone, 'adults' do not have to wait for their teenagers to grow up before they can enter another relationship and/or marry.  That is just crazy!  Its up to the parents to create a new blended family ... yes, there will be problems, but I do not think its fair for the kids to call the shots, and the 'parents' to sit around and wait to have a significant other ... one day, when the kids are all grown up.  Parents do have lives too!  When there is jealousy in a relationship between the step-parent and the child, the biological parent must step up to the plate and sort it out - if he chooses to accept the child's point of view over that of his wife, then why did he re-marry in the first place?  A child is a child, and has no control over the parent's romantic involvement unless its harmful to the child, which in most cases it is not. 

Single/divorced parents should get on with their lives as best as they can .... their kids will grow up one day and get on with their lives ... If one chooses to live through one's children, then you are just a martyr.